Area Dickhead Says Guys Who Yell ‘Fake News’ on Facebook are Probably ‘Gay’

Don Vada of North Bloomfield
Don Vada of North Bloomfield

North Bloomfield, CA — Local malcontent and self-proclaimed dickhead Don Vaca really hates people who state the obvious. Recently, while attempting to order a Starbucks drink at a local, privately owned coffee shop, Mr. Vaca announced loudly to the crowded cafe that anyone who points out ‘fake news’ is probably a ‘fag.’ Mr Vaca has a long history of inappropriate and vulgar pronouncements, to which he says “go fuck yourself, you degenerate” when confronted.

“Look, I don’t like being polite. I don’t like people and I don’t like stupid bullshit,” said Mr. Vaca out in front of What’s Up Coffee on Main Street in Grass Valley. “Take this coffee,” Mr. Vaca held up his coffee cup, “I ordered a Grande, Quad, Nonfat, One-Pump, No-Whip, Mocha, and the lady in there gave me something like it, but when I asked her what it was, it was nothing like the Starbucks I’m used to. That’s bullshit.”

And according to Mr. Vaca, people need to stop being such “stupid fucking idiots” on social media.

“And take all this fake news,” continued Mr. Vaca waving his coffee cup around. “Any fag with an IQ above 98 can scream fake news on a Facebook post. That’s stupid bullshit too. It used to be that people knew fake news just by looking at it at the Supermarket. It was stupid, but fun I guess for the retards. But now everyone is some kind of expert on fake news. They yell ‘fake news’ this and ‘fake news’ that. Yeah, you degenerate morons, it’s fake and supposed to be funny or stupid or both. Jesus Christ everyone is stupid.”

As for changing his tone and approach to issues, Mr. Vaca told The Fazzler to “mind your own fucking business.”

“Hey dipshits, it’s my life and I’m not about to apologize for anything,” said Mr. Vaca with a wry grin developing on his face. “Don’t blame me for this shit-storm you got going on now, I voted for Gary Johnson. Now hurry along and get the hell out of my face.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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