Arlington Cemetery, VA — Former President Donald Trump took his campaign for the 2024 election to an unprecedented level of intimacy this week by signing several tombstones at Arlington National Cemetery. According to the Trump campaign, this gesture was made at the “heartfelt requests” of grieving families who, apparently, wanted the final resting places of their loved ones to be marked not just by dates of birth and death but by the Sharpie-wielding hand of the man they still fondly remember for his stint on “The Apprentice.”
The scene unfolded during Trump’s visit to Section 60 of Arlington, a hallowed section of the cemetery reserved for those who have perished in recent conflicts. Trump, who had already stirred up controversy by filming a campaign video and reportedly shoving a cemetery official (though his team insists they were “helping him find a better camera angle”), decided to leave his mark—literally—on a few headstones.
Trump’s signature, which one observer described as “a bold flourish reminiscent of a bygone era when leaders believed in leaving their mark on the world, or at least on any surface that could be engraved,” was said to be “beautiful” by the Trump campaign. The inscriptions, ranging from “#MAGA Forever” to “Gone, but Not Forgotten, Just Like My Twitter Account,” reportedly brought tears to the eyes of many onlookers—though whether those were tears of joy, grief, or sheer bewilderment remains unclear.
Critics have been quick to condemn the act. One veteran, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being blocked on Truth Social, stated, “It’s a new low, even for him. Who signs tombstones? That’s a space for eternal rest, not campaign slogans.”
However, Trump’s campaign manager defended the move, claiming that the former president was merely fulfilling the wishes of families who had “begged him to make Arlington great again.” “The man knows how to give the people what they want,” she added, “whether it’s a tax cut or a permanent reminder of his signature achievements.”
Rumors that Trump intends to start a new line of merchandise featuring tombstone replicas with his signature have neither been confirmed nor denied by his team. Still, judging by the quick turnaround on his NFT collection, it wouldn’t be surprising.
As the dust settles—and the ink dries—at Arlington, one thing is clear: the 2024 campaign is shaping up to be unlike any in history. While previous candidates may have visited gravesites to honor the fallen, Trump has, true to form, decided to take it a step further. Whether or not the nation will follow him remains to be seen.
In the meantime, cemetery staff have been instructed to carry extra bottles of acetone in case the “heartfelt requests” get out of hand.
