Tim Hortons Installs Canadian Space Arm at Ottawa Location

Tim Hortons has unveiled a surprising new addition to its flagship Ottawa location: the Canadarm. Known for its crucial roles on the Space Shuttle and International Space Station, this iconic piece of Canadian engineering will now be serving coffee and donuts to delighted patrons. Dubbed the "Timbitsarm," this futuristic barista promises to bring a touch of zero-gravity magic to the everyday coffee experience, making morning routines in Ottawa more extraordinary than ever.

Metallica’s James Hetfield Celebrates a PhD in Astrophysics

Metallica heavy metal guitarist and lead singer James Hetfield announced on his personal Facebook page that he had just finished defending his PhD dissertation at California Institute of Technology in Pasadena (CalTech), CA

Ed Force One Cited for Unauthorized Chemtrail Emissions

British heavy metal legends Iron Maiden are being investigated for illegal chemtrail spraying with the use of their customized touring aircraft, the ex-Air France 747-400 jumbo jet known as Ed Force One.

Trump Announces Plan for Westboro Baptist Church Choir to Perform at His Inauguration

"It's no secret that the Church has never supported any president up until Trump," said  Shirley Phelps-Roper, daughter of former outspoken and controversial leader Fred Phelps, "but with Trump, we finally have an executive who will take the fight right to the gays. We don't even have to protest anymore."
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Chemtrails

You know they are controlling the skies. Here's the proof.

Ed Force One Cited for Unauthorized Chemtrail Emissions

British heavy metal legends Iron Maiden are being investigated for illegal chemtrail spraying with the use of their customized touring aircraft, the ex-Air France 747-400 jumbo jet known as Ed Force One.

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

Alternative

Sat upright, raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm towards the viewer. He then turned to look out the window.

Tim Hortons Installs Canadian Space Arm at Ottawa Location

Tim Hortons has unveiled a surprising new addition to its flagship Ottawa location: the Canadarm. Known for its crucial roles on the Space Shuttle and International Space Station, this iconic piece of Canadian engineering will now be serving coffee and donuts to delighted patrons. Dubbed the "Timbitsarm," this futuristic barista promises to bring a touch of zero-gravity magic to the everyday coffee experience, making morning routines in Ottawa more extraordinary than ever.

Inside Elon Musk’s Bid to Buy the Roman Colosseum and Move it to Texas

Elon Musk's audacious plan to relocate the Roman Colosseum to Austin, Texas, transforming it into a modern sports arena with fast food chains, creating a unique fusion of ancient history and American consumer culture.

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

High Stakes News

And he looked over at the alarm clock, ticking on the chest of drawers. It was half past six and the hands were quietly moving forwards.

Finnegans Wake is an Impenetrable Piece of Crap

What's the difference between a pile of dog crap and Finnegan's Wake? You can avoid the dog crap by walking around it. I have to read and review Finnegan's Wake.

Area Man Still Prefers Video Store Porn

The video rental business in the U.S. has collapsed from more than 19,000 brick-and-mortar retail stores at its peak down to under 5,000, according to the Rundex Family Foundation (RFF). Yet surprisingly, Family Video has added stores in recent years, attracting loyal, fap happy customers like Wayne Kerr.

Unexplained

It's here. It's strange. You want this.

Chemtrail Film Festival Coming To Nevada City, CA

The Chemtrail Action Network (CAN) announced the first-ever traveling Chemtrail Film Festival coming to Nevada City, CA this August. The film festival will be making its first stop in the secluded Sierra Nevada Foothills town for a 4 day run starting on the 14th of August and running until the 18th.

Investigators Stumble Upon Secret Graniteville Bunker

This is where the adventure begins. The following is a edited recount of Moonash's and Mr. Wolford's unusual discovery. Residents of the usually private and esoteric Sierra Nevada foothills community didn't know about this.
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Other News

More Fazzle for your brain.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Chemtrail Believer Bullied by “Math Thugs”

Mary McAlister seemed surprised that others took issue with her incendiary share of a billboard picture that warned people of the dangers of geoengineering.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2022

The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.