Editorial
Drag Queen Storytime of the Constitution Confuses Republicans
Republican leadership, meanwhile, scrambled to respond to the unfolding crisis of constitutional literacy among their ranks. An emergency meeting was called to discuss strategies for combating what they termed "the sudden outbreak of understanding basic civil liberties."
Food
Trump Blames the Price of Eggs in Gaza on The Biden Administration
In a bewildering rally speech, Trump accused the Biden Administration of causing skyrocketing egg prices in Gaza, linking it to Big Mac inflation, leaving supporters and pundits scrambling to make sense of his global food economics.
Living
AA and AAA Join Forces to Create AAAAA
Some analysts close to this emerging market question the timing of the merger and its long-term viability and business sense.
Satire
Louisiana Teacher Under Fire for Posting 10 Commandments in Pig Latin
History teacher Bernie Carver stirred controversy by displaying the Ten Commandments in Pig Latin, provoking ire from conservative parents. Earl "Big Earl" LeJeune fumed, "This is part of a larger conspiracy. Next, they'll be speaking French! And you know what they say about French – it's the language of the devil!"
Music
The Fazzler Review: Fear Inoculum by Tool — Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hype
Can Tool’s Fear Inoculum live up to its labyrinthine lyrics and technical bravado, or is the fanbase’s fervor and critics' praise a testament to rock’s most elaborate inside joke?
Living
Metallica’s James Hetfield Celebrates a PhD in Astrophysics
Metallica heavy metal guitarist and lead singer James Hetfield announced on his personal Facebook page that he had just finished defending his PhD dissertation at California Institute of Technology in Pasadena (CalTech), CA
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Chemtrails
You know they are controlling the skies. Here's the proof.
Ed Force One Cited for Unauthorized Chemtrail Emissions
British heavy metal legends Iron Maiden are being investigated for illegal chemtrail spraying with the use of their customized touring aircraft, the ex-Air France 747-400 jumbo jet known as Ed Force One.
Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow
Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.
QAnon Posts 4th Quarter Profit Despite Failed Predictions
In a surprise announcement, QAnon's stock skyrocketed over the past quarter.
Alternative
Sat upright, raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm towards the viewer. He then turned to look out the window.
Tim Hortons Installs Canadian Space Arm at Ottawa Location
Tim Hortons has unveiled a surprising new addition to its flagship Ottawa location: the Canadarm. Known for its crucial roles on the Space Shuttle and International Space Station, this iconic piece of Canadian engineering will now be serving coffee and donuts to delighted patrons. Dubbed the "Timbitsarm," this futuristic barista promises to bring a touch of zero-gravity magic to the everyday coffee experience, making morning routines in Ottawa more extraordinary than ever.
Inside Elon Musk’s Bid to Buy the Roman Colosseum and Move it to Texas
Elon Musk's audacious plan to relocate the Roman Colosseum to Austin, Texas, transforming it into a modern sports arena with fast food chains, creating a unique fusion of ancient history and American consumer culture.
Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow
Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.
High Stakes News
And he looked over at the alarm clock, ticking on the chest of drawers. It was half past six and the hands were quietly moving forwards.
The Saudis Admit to Blowing Up the Georgia Guidestones
In a statement released earlier today, the government stated that the Georgia Guidestones were a secret Saudi Arabian military base built in the 1980s as part of a covert operation.
Morning News Crew Loses It After Hilarious Interview with Ryan Lochte [VIDEO]
The morning news crew at Fox 29 on Good Day Philadelphia lost their composure after a very painful and hilarious interview with disgraced Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte.
Facebook Is Actually Purgatory
Often times Facebook becomes the place to say goodbye to the dead. Everyday you see people paying respects online. But in doing so, are we damning the dead to an eternity in Facebook Purgatory?
Unexplained
It's here. It's strange. You want this.
Chemtrail Film Festival Coming To Nevada City, CA
The Chemtrail Action Network (CAN) announced the first-ever traveling Chemtrail Film Festival coming to Nevada City, CA this August. The film festival will be making its first stop in the secluded Sierra Nevada Foothills town for a 4 day run starting on the 14th of August and running until the 18th.
Self-Driving Car Totaled After Bigfoot Encounter Near North San Juan
When the Highway Patrol arrived on the scene, they found a mess of twisted metal and a little bit of hair.
Investigators Stumble Upon Secret Graniteville Bunker
This is where the adventure begins. The following is a edited recount of Moonash's and Mr. Wolford's unusual discovery. Residents of the usually private and esoteric Sierra Nevada foothills community didn't know about this.
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Other News
More Fazzle for your brain.
Chemtrails
Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Terminate Program
Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.
Chemtrails
Chemtrail Believer Bullied by “Math Thugs”
Mary McAlister seemed surprised that others took issue with her incendiary share of a billboard picture that warned people of the dangers of geoengineering.
Satire
A Grass Valley Man Who Claims ‘What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger’, Dies
Jory James of Grass Valley died last Friday in a most ironic way.
Satire
Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.
Weird
Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2022
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.
Satire
Man Falls Off Foresthill Bridge After Accidentally Shooting Himself While on Heroin
A Mokelumne Hill man is lucky to be alive after falling 730 feet in a failed suicide attempt.
Satire
Nevada City to Become Nation’s First 5G-free Zone
Nevada City, California will be the nation's first town to ban all 5G-related technologies.