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Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Elon Musk’s Dept. of Government Efficiency Demands a $1 Trillion Dollar Budget

Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency shocks Washington with a $1 trillion budget request filled with outlandish items like laser-guided detectors and a morale-boosting Dogecoin fund. Musk's ongoing presence at Mar-a-Lago stirs amusement and mild annoyance, with Trump reportedly telling a waiter, "He's your problem now." Public reactions range from raised eyebrows to full-blown cackles in true Monty Python fashion

McDonald’s Experimenting with “Food Bong” To Pump Big Macs into Drive Thru Customer’s Stomachs.

In Dayton, Ohio, McDonald’s unveils its “Food Bong,” a device that feeds Big Macs directly to customers. Trump supporters hail this as proof of the “Trump effect” on everyday life, while across the street, Burger King, ever the attention-seeker, counters with a stomach pump deal for $1.99. Fast food meets politics in a showdown of indulgence and spectacle.

Rally Turns Violent as Trump Announces that McDonald’s is Discontinuing the Chicken Big Mac

Donald Trump’s latest rally in Des Moines took a bizarre turn when he announced that McDonald’s would discontinue the Chicken Big Mac, sparking outrage among supporters. In a move as surreal as it was chaotic, Trump tossed sandwiches into the desperate crowd, framing McDonald’s decision as an “attack on freedom.” The crowd scrambled for every bite, chanting “Make Big Macs Great Again!”

Donald Trump Claims “Haitian” Squirrel Ripped Off His Other Ear

Former President Donald Trump claims a “Haitian” squirrel attacked him, supposedly radicalized by Peanut, the New York squirrel recently seized by wildlife authorities. Trump’s supporters insist Peanut is proof of an anti-Trump squirrel uprising, fueling rumors of a “squirrel defense force” at Mar-a-Lago. Trump vows to “protect America from radical rodents”—even as the alleged squirrel roams free.

Trump Touts MAGA’s “Real Strength” of Big Muscles, Tight Lycra, and Sweet, Sweaty Patriotism

Trump leaned into macho rhetoric, celebrating 'big, powerful American men' and 'real strength' in terms reminiscent of a wrestling promo. His vivid praise of MAGA muscles and sweaty patriotism left some fans exchanging glances, and social media in stitches over the homoerotic irony

Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe Officially Hits Rock Bottom as Babylon Bee’s Latest Hire

Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe, infamous for his provocative MSG act, has landed a new gig with the Babylon Bee. Known for anti-LGBTQ+ and controversial headlines, the Bee embraced Tony’s ‘fearless’ style. His arrival, however, is unsettling fans who enjoyed lighter jabs. With his ‘Project Humor’ initiative, the Bee’s satire plunges to tasteless new lows, and even die-hard followers are shocked.

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