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Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Chemtrails

Area TV Producer Removes Mount Shasta

Local starlet, writer and producer Heather Donahue has successfully removed Mount Shasta from the landscape as part of her upcoming television program. At a cost of over 145.7 billion dollars, many are questioning the wisdom of removing an entire mountain for the purposes of entertainment.
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Earth News

The Fazzler Salutes Our Heroes: Leonard Cohen Dead at 82

Leonard Cohen, the hugely influential singer and songwriter whose work spanned nearly 50 years, died at the age of 82.
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Living

Ross Dress for Less to Feature Sharia Clothing Line

The popular American "off-price" department store Ross quietly began featuring various "sharia-compliant" clothing early this month in select California stores.
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National News

Texas Man Hospitalized After “Back Alley” Vasectomy

A Midland Texas man is in stable condition at Midland Memorial Hospital after he decided to have a "back alley" vasectomy in the neighboring town of Odessa.
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Satire

Area Asshole Says 112 Degree Weather OK Because It’s “A Dry Heat”

Don Vaca of North Bloomfield is an asshole.
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Advice

Little Brother “Had It Coming,” Claims Older Brother

While some may see Kenny's complaints as trivial, he insists that the little things add up and can drive a person crazy.
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Living

Damnation Army Seeks Important Satanist Thrift Shopping Demographic

According to a prospectus provided by the Church, their Citrus Heights flagship store has grown by over 400%.
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Earth News

Austria/Hungary to Open Refugee “Turmoil to Paradise” Work Camps

In a unilateral move without the approval of other European Union countries, Hungary and Austria have taken proactive measures to open "Paradise" work camps for Syrian and other migrant refugees.
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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