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Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Living

Robert Fripp Retires to Teach Guitar in Derry, New Hampshire

Esteemed progressive guitar player Robert Fripp announced that he is retiring from his leadership position in King Crimson, and plans on spending his days at a Derry, New Hampshire's Smash Music located on East Broadway Street.
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Travel

Hot Springs Vacationer Unaware of Volcano Directly Under Her Ass

Judie Parish of Fresno, CA has no idea what's going on directly below her.
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National News

California Planned Parenthood to Roll-out Mobile “Abortion Vans”

A controversial plan to roll-out what conservative critics are calling "Abortion Vans" by the the women's service organization Planned Parenthood is raising eyebrows across the country.
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Satire

Childhood Friends Open ‘Two Girls, One Cup Frozen Yogurt’ in Penn Valley

Louise Albright and Jessica Downery are super excited about Two Girls One Cup Frozen Yogurt.
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Satire

Area Hotels Under Fire For Placing Gideon’s Qurans In Rooms

Gideon's International is reconsidering its controversial Hold Hands Across Faith program.
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Art

Holden Caulfield Calls Coronavirus “Phony”

An Agerstown, Pennsylvania prep student doesn't believe a single word the authorities are telling him.
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Art

Gary Larson Signs Exclusive 27 Year Deal with The Fazzler

The Far Side -- On the heels of recent news that Gary Larson's The Far Side might...
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Art

Now You Know Vol 2: We Self-actualize, We Dream, We Are Reborn

The galaxy is calling to you via four-dimensional superstructures. Can you hear it? Although you may not realize it, you are astral. It can be difficult to know where to begin.
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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