Articles by

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

Trump Floats New Tariffs on Orange Chicken

First it was tech and steel, now it’s Orange Chicken? Trump’s latest tariff talk has diners across America worried about rising prices—again. After his 2018 tariffs led to unexpected inflation and higher food costs, what will this new push do to your wallet? Could we be headed for an Orange Chicken crisis? Read more about his latest 2024 campaign move!

The Entire John Steinbeck Catalog Now a 5-Minute TikTok Video

Tom Joad stands in disbelief as his family’s struggle is transformed into a five-minute TikTok sensation. Their story, once defined by hardship and dignity, is now a viral meme, shared and forgotten in seconds. As the world scrolls past, Tom realizes that in this digital age, human suffering is nothing more than content for a blind and fleeting audience.

Pager Sales Drop Dramatically in Lebanon: Motorola and Other Major Players Expect a ‘Tough Quarter’

Remember when pagers were the epitome of cool? Neither do we. But Motorola was hoping for a comeback—until Hezbollah’s pager-equipped fighters found themselves with more firepower than they bargained for. Mossad’s alleged pager bomb plot has torpedoed sales, leaving Motorola scrambling and hipsters reconsidering their love for retro tech that, you know, explodes.

Texas Officially Bans Vegan Gravy: Citizens Urged to Report Violators

Texas has officially banned vegan gravy. Under the Gravy Purity Act, citizens are now encouraged to report any plant-based saucery to local authorities. While the rest of the nation grapples with real problems, Texas is laser-focused on defending its traditional gravy—no tofu allowed. Get ready for the condiment cops!

Josh Hawley Defeats Fragile Masculinity by Staring into Mirror, Declares Himself Victor

Josh Hawley declared himself the victor in his battle against fragile masculinity after a rigorous 10-minute stare down with his own reflection. The Missouri senator, known for his “war on softness,” claims his victory is a model for all American men. The media, unsurprisingly, fumbled to grasp the seriousness of this latest conquest.

Elon Musk Sues Brazil for Being Mean to Him

laws. Framing the lawsuit as a defense of free speech, Musk claims Brazil’s government has "been mean" by enforcing regulations. This is the latest episode in Musk’s legal strategy of suing nations and people into liking him—or at least respecting his ever-expanding empire.

How the Deep State Sabotaged the New Reagan Biopic Film, by Loretta Splitair

The new Reagan biopic has reportedly been sabotaged by the Deep State, a powerful force that has long suppressed films promoting conservative heroes. Linking its downfall to past movies like The Passion of the Christ and Sound of Freedom, this investigation reveals how the Deep State has meddled in everything from The Last Temptation of Christ to The Beatles’ sudden fall from grace.

Journey’s ‘Wheel in the Sky’ Reborn as Trump Rally Hymn

As news of the rewritten anthem spread, reactions were swift and varied. Journey fans, who have been riding the emotional rollercoaster of the band’s internal drama, were quick to express their outrage.

Want to stay up to date with the latest news?

We would love to hear from you! Please fill in your details and we will stay in touch. It's that simple!