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Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Earth News

Souplantation and Monsanto Team Up on Round-Up Ready Salad Bar

Early Saturday morning the agribusiness giant Monsanto and buffet-style salad bar chain Souplantation announced that they would be joining forces to produce the world's first Round-Up Ready salad bar.
Loretta Splitair -
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Earth News

Yuba River Male Gender, Not Female Study Finds

According to researchers at the influential Rundex Family Foundation in Palo Alto, CA, the three forks Yuba River should be referred to using male adjectives.
Loretta Splitair -
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Local News

Nevada City Schools to Observe Muslim Holidays

Following the lead of the New York City school system, the nation's largest, the upstart Sierra Nevada foothills community of Nevada City announced that its schools will observe the two most important Muslim holidays next school year.
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Satire

Mayhem After Nevada City Uses Deer to Eat Underbrush During Hunting Season

Many are questioning Nevada City's use of using deer to eat fire-prone undergrowth during the height of hunting season.
Loretta Splitair -
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Satire

Nevada City Becomes Nation’s First Crowdfunded Town

Nevada City says that it plans to repeal and replace traditional revenue sources like taxes and fines, and use crowdsourcing systems to pay for the operations of the town.
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Food

FDA/USDA to Announce New Carbohydrate Food Labeling

he United States Department of Agriculture is abandoning its current metric food labeling system and replacing it with a new measurement system most Americans seem to understand: a 12 oz Coca-Cola can.
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Satire

Area Homeless Man Finds Purpose as a Parking Meter

So far the gig is working out for everyone involved. Even Nevada City is playing along thinking of "The Home's" actions as an attraction for tourists.
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Satire

Protests Break Out Over Proposed Blazing Saddles Showing

Protesters, led by Nevada City's Sairhra Ramun, held a demonstration out in front of Grass Valley's Del Oro Theater.
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

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Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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