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Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Satire

Charter School Students Stuck in Tulsa, OK Following Awful Chartered Flight Pun

"Dad said this was a real shithole place. Can I say that? Anyhow, I really like it here." said YRCS 8th grader Essence Dominics.
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Earth News

Study: Farting Burns 42 Calories

A four year study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation in conjunction with the Federal Food and Drug Administration has found that farting burns an average of 42 calories per incident.
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Art

SNOPES.COM Forced to Debunk Film ‘Groundhog Day’

The popular debunking website which describes itself as having all "latest rumors, urban legends, myths and misinformation gathered together in one nifty list," was forced this week to demonstrate that the 1990s film Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray was in fact FALSE.
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Local News

Recent Murders Reveal Unlikely Suspect

A North Church Street cat accidentally ingested an entire stash of methamphetamine late this week and went on a murderous rampage. After eating what authorities claim was a small amount of "Biznack," Abu, the name of the male black cat, not only destroyed the inside of the small studio home, but also killed both occupants.
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Food

Stoners “Munchery” To Open in Grass Valley

The nation's first restaurant dedicated to the burgeoning "impulse munchie" market is opening in the Sierra Nevada Foothills town of Grass Valley, CA. The new chain called Stoners which is new subsidiary of Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc., is  and hopes to serve what the company believes is a radically under-served and growing market currently dominated by the fast food chain Taco Bell.
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Art

Now You Know Vol 3: We Exist as Psionic Wave Oscillations

Who are we? Where on the great journey will we be awakened? Throughout history, humans have been interacting with the galaxy via electromagnetic forces. Humankind has nothing to lose.
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Satire

Project Blue Beam Scientists Create Cat Over Nevada City [VIDEO]

Several readers have contacted The Fazzler with reports of a mysterious beam of light emanating from the sky above Nevada City, CA. According to more than one caller, the mysterious beam of light seemed to originate on Coyote Street in north Nevada City, and the proceeded to climb into the upper atmosphere where it appeared to transform into a large cat. No injuries were reported.
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Alternative

Should You Wear a Full-Body Latex Suit to a Job Interview?

Are you looking to make a bold statement at your next job interview?
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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