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Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Chemtrails

Del Oro Tower to Offer Free WiFi For Grass Valley

The Del Oro theater in Grass Valley, CA and the popular movie streaming service NetFlixâ„¢ announced early Thursday that the theater's iconic tower on Mill Street will provide high-speed Internet to the downtown area.
Loretta Splitair -
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Satire

Area Woman To Film Her Harrowing Journey Across Kansas

Today, like many other days in Ms. Ramun's recent life, found our activist out in front of the New York Hotel on Broad Street with her trusty bull horn announcing to locals and frightened tourists that she was finally going to document what she is now calling "They Called Me A Dumbass".
Loretta Splitair -
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Chemtrails

Jesus Spotted in Western Nevada County Clouds

A The Fazzler reader has sent in the following photograph depicting what appears to be Jesus Christ arriving in the clouds in Western Nevada County.
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Satire

Grass Valley Teen Gets Pregnant at Teen Pool Party, Parents Sue

Parents are suing after teen becomes pregnant in local backyard pool.
Loretta Splitair -
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Art

Passion of the Christ to be Made into a Lego Movie

Warner Brothers Entertainment announced that it plans on making a Lego version of the Passion of Jesus which will premiere in December 2017 shortly before Christmas.
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Local News

Local Millennial Installs Bidets in Company Restrooms

Area millennial technology worker Brent Underwood took it upon himself late last week to replace all of his company's toilet seats with automatic bidet "butt washers," The Fazzler has learned.
Loretta Splitair -
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Satire

Get Your Suicidal Ass Back in There

Apparently a Brazilian woman was attempting to commit suicide by jumping out of her 10th story apartment window.
Loretta Splitair -
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Satire

San Francisco’s Telegraph Hill Parrots Killed by Salesforce Tower Windmills

Mr. Praline knew the parrots' lives were in great jeopardy, and not only that, his livelihood as the city's premiere "parrot guide" was in trouble.
Loretta Splitair -
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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