Articles by

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

NASA Confirms Discovery of Parallel Universe Where People Still Care About MySpace

NASA, in collaboration with the Rundex Family Foundation, has discovered a parallel universe where MySpace remains the dominant social media platform. Chief Data Scientist Robert Colvin leads the investigation into this alternate reality, where users cherish MySpace's authenticity over algorithm-driven feeds. The discovery offers a glimpse into what our world might have been if MySpace had never faded.

CNN Lightens 24-Hour Coverage of Civil Unrest with Footage of a Plane Crash

CNN, in a stroke of genius, has eased the emotional toll of nonstop civil unrest coverage by sprinkling in some good old-fashioned plane crashes. Viewers, who were teetering on the brink of despair, are now refreshed, grateful for the reminder that no matter how bad things get, at least they're not plummeting from the sky.

Metallica’s James Hetfield Celebrates a PhD in Astrophysics

Metallica heavy metal guitarist and lead singer James Hetfield announced on his personal Facebook page that he had just finished defending his PhD dissertation at California Institute of Technology in Pasadena (CalTech), CA

Trump Announces Plan for Westboro Baptist Church Choir to Perform at His Inauguration

"It's no secret that the Church has never supported any president up until Trump," said  Shirley Phelps-Roper, daughter of former outspoken and controversial leader Fred Phelps, "but with Trump, we finally have an executive who will take the fight right to the gays. We don't even have to protest anymore."

Inside Elon Musk’s Bid to Buy the Roman Colosseum and Move it to Texas

Elon Musk's audacious plan to relocate the Roman Colosseum to Austin, Texas, transforming it into a modern sports arena with fast food chains, creating a unique fusion of ancient history and American consumer culture.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.

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