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Articles by

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Local News

Instructables.com Permaculture Lesson Leads Area Family to Near Starvation

A recently transplanted Bay Area family found itself earlier this week on the brink of starvation after moving to the North San Juan ridge located in a remote part of Nevada County.
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Food

How to Roast a Fucking Whole Chicken, by Loretta Splitair

Question: How do you scare a Millennial? Answer: Tell them s/he has to butcher a whole chicken. Now I'm not talking about going out to your coop, finding an asshole hen or rooster and cutting that animal's head off, followed by a plucking.
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Satire

Bernie Sanders Returns Mike Bloomberg’s $18.53 Dollar Donation

The Sanders 2020 campaign doesn't want any money from any billionaire.
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Earth News

AC/DC Ties Axl Rose to Chair With Amazing Results [VIDEO]

AC/DC has found that restraining Axl Rose to a chair produced amazing results. According to stage hands back stage, Mr. Rose was not aware of the plot to restrain him to a chair until moments before the show began on Saturday night.
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Food

How to Cook a Fucking Rib Roast, by Loretta Splitair

3-4 Days before you cook the Roast, do this: 1. Get a digital Thermometer from your local cooking...
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Satire

Nevada City Experimenting with Man Bun Tax

Nevada City will be the first in the nation to experiment with a "man bun tax."
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Satire

Local Activists Propose Arming Deer Populations

Local animal rights advocates announced they want to "give the animals a fighting chance."
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Weird

Area Woman Not Sure Why She’s in the Starbucks Drive-Thru

Cedar Ridge resident and frequent Starbucks patron Janet Williams didn't remember why she was in the popular chain's drive-thru located on Freeman Lane.
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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