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Articles by

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Editorial

Humpty Dumpty to Offer “I’ll Just Have a Bite of His” Menu Section

The new menu section contains a variety of options for the non-eating eater.
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Commentary

How To Become a Libertarian in 15-ish Steps, by Loretta Splitair

Well, who doesn't love freedom? I know I do, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what the hell it is despite constant attempts by some very serious folks to define it for me.
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National News

Jerry Falwell Jr. Encourages Students to Watch Gay Porn to “Keep an Eye on Deviants”

The President of the conservative Christian Liberty University had some odd words for his students.
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Food

Donner Party Family Buffet to Open in Truckee, CA

Local entrepreneur Robert Mincy is looking to cash in on Truckee's booming economy by opening a family-style buffet on the Eastern shore of Donner Lake.
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Earth News

Humans Flock to Mars for Affordable Housing, as the Extraterrestrial Real Estate Market Booms

Martian real estate market explodes as Earth's housing prices skyrocket! Desperate homebuyers find budget-friendly options on the Red Planet. Critics question the lack of infrastructure, but settlers remain undeterred.
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Local News

Local Rooster Inspired by Caitlyn Jenner: Seeks Cow Reassignment

Neighbors surrounding the Ridge Feed and Supply store on Ridge Road learned that the iconic Mascot Chicken is seeking a "Species Re-Assignment" surgery after learning about the trials and tribulations of Bruce Jenner.
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Satire

Lake of the Pines Considers Controversial Comic Sans Font

In an effort to stay relevant and "hip," Lake of the Pines is experimenting with the Comic Sans font.
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National News

Many Americans Still Unclear Where Honduras Is

A recent survey conducted by the non-partisan Rundex Family Foundation discovered that the overwhelming majority of Americans have no idea where Honduras is.
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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