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Articles by

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Food

In-N-Out Burger to Discontinue Secret Menu That Never Existed

California-based In-N-Out Burger shocked its loyal customers yesterday by announcing it would no longer serve items from its secret menu.
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Chemtrails

World War II Ship Mysteriously Appears in Local Schoolyard

Although Ken Cornys didn't realize what he was looking at, other than the obvious antique war ship, one area man knew exactly what it was.
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Living

Online Kahn Academy to Offer Sex Education

The Kahn Academy, which is a non-profit educational organization which provides free, world-class education for anyone, anywhere," announced this week that it will be providing online family life training, otherwise known as sex education, to supplement and even replace school-based programs.
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National News

Triumph the Insult Dog Attacked by Jill Stein in North Dakota

The world's most famous animal comedian Triumph the Insult Dog was attacked with a can of green spray paint by Green Party Presidential Candidate Jill Stein while she attempted to spray-paint a bulldozer.
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Food

McDonald’s Testing All-You-Can-Eat French Fries in Grass Valley

The Grass Valley McDonald's announced that it will be testing an "all-you-can-eat" French Fry bar starting on April 28th.
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Commentary

People Who Swear Have Higher Fucking IQs, by Loretta Splitair

I've done some research on the topic, and I can unequivocally tell you that...
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Food

Study: Eating Pringles Raises Risk of Being Strangled by Bed Sheets

A 2 year study conducted by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation found that the popular potato and wheat-based snack food Pringles is Earth's most popular food.
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Satire

Del Oro Mural Replaced with Directions to McDonald’s

Controversy erupted this week with the Grass Valley city council voted to replace the Del Oro Theater mural with directions to McDonald's.
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Latest Posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

Loretta Splitair - 0
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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