Richfield, MN — In what many are calling both a stroke of genius and “straight talk” marketing, critics across the country are applauding electronics retail giant Best Buy for their frank new marketing campaign called “Buy the Fucking Extended Warranty ‘Cause It’s Gonna Fail.”
The new program, which is the brainchild of new Sales and Marketing Executive Vice President Ben “The Brunt” Craig, aims to both increase sales of warranty products consumers don’t understand and to reduce Geek Squad smugness when visiting any of its 1500 stores across the United States.
“We’ve conducted a series of UX [user experience] studies with a number of select stores across the country, ” said Mr. Craig speaking from his Richfield, MN headquarters corner office. “We developed a number of what our internal DSers [Digital Strategy person] call personas of our typical customers. It turns out, Joe or Betty Customer doesn’t like being reminded that they failed to purchase our Geek Squad protection after their item breaks one day after they can return it. So we just remind them up front that it’s going to break, and they should buy the protection plans. It’s really that simple.”
According to the Best Buy marketing department, when customers go to buy their new laptop of big-screen TV, employees will smugly remind them before the sale that their item will more than likely break just after Best Buy’s 15 day return period, and that a few dollars spent up front can save them from the headache of dealing with “disinterested Manufacturer support staff.”
In the past, when a customer brought a defective product into one of the stores after the 15 day return period, they were directed to the Geek Squad department where they were met with a smug “if you would have just bought Geek Squad protection, we could help you. But because you didn’t, there’s nothing we can do. Have a nice day.”
The new program had a mixed response from the customer base.
“Well, I dunno. I guess I’m glad they’re being honest about the crap they sell,” said David K. Draper, a 42-year-old software developer in front of the West 78th Street Best Buy in Richfield, MN. “I suppose it’s just a few dollars more for the protection plan. And god I hate dealing with those snobby Geek twerps. So it’s probably money well-spent.”
Not Everyone Is Excited
“I just don’t get it,” said Yon Davis, a 32-year-old nurse from St. Paul. “I just want things to work. Why does there have to be a fee for everything? Why can’t they just build that cost into their products? It’s just another example of our race to the bottom. No one wants to take responsibility for anything anymore.”
According to Mr. Craig, the pilot, which was run last year, was a resounding success. And since the program started in across the country late last year, Geek Squad Protection Plan sales have increased by over 12%.
“You know,” continued Mr. Craig leaning back in his Aeron Herman Miller chair, “I think people understand that the program not only protects them from product defects, but it literally protects themselves from dealing with the Geek Squad. You can’t really put a price on that.”
