Atlanta, GA — In a nod to appear both sensitive and politically correct, Hooters has announced the opening of the first bar and restaurant to hire only breast cancer survivors who have had one breast removed. The entire wait staff will be mastectomy patients, many of whom are waiting tables in order to afford reconstructive surgery. The first H oters will open in Cabo San Lucas in October of this year.
“We’re trying to capitalize on the whole pink ribbon ‘awareness’ thing,” Hooters President and CEO Bobby G. Crooks stated at an impromptu press conference in Cabo on Wednesday. Jesus Sanchez, President of the Cabo San Lucas Chamber of Commerce, refuted that statement, however. “When the O came off the building in the hurricane last year, that cheap bastard refused to fix it. We cited Hooters three times for not repairing the eyesore, which makes our entire marina area look run down and shabby. Ooh-la-la, how much could it cost to buy a single vowel?”
Crooks says it has nothing to do with not wanting to make necessary repairs. “We been lookin’ for some way to get broads to patronize Hooters and this might just be the hook.” Woman, who traditionally shun the restaurant’s low quality food and watered down drinks also find the objectification of women bouncing around in overly tight t-shirts and short shorts to be demeaning. “Look, it’s no secret that chicks’ll buy anything that has a pink ribbon attached to it. Why not use it to lure them into a bar? It’s way cheaper than hiring Chippendales.”
Maria Lopez worried that her cancer diagnosis would cost her the coveted position as hostess in the Cabo San Lucas hotspot. Lopez provides sole support for two children following the tragic death of her husband, Enrico. Ironically, Enrico lost his life in an ill-fated attempt to save the O when it was blown off the Hooters building in the 2014 hurricane.
“It is like a dream come true that Hooters would become H oters and I would be able to keep my job!” Lopez now looks forward to saving up for reconstructive surgery, after which she has been assured a position at Hooters, Mazatlan.
