Hormel Releases Controversial Wagyu Beef SPAM

The Hormel Food Company has released a controversial version of SPAM targeted at Millennials.
The Hormel Food Company has released a controversial version of SPAM targeted at Millennials.

Austin, MN — The Hormel Foods Corporation responded this week to critics who criticized their latest iteration of SPAM: Wagyu Beef Flavor. According to a spokesperson for the Minnesota-based processed meat giant, their marketing research has told them this is a smart move.

“We have extensive data points that we’ve been able to extrapolate into numerous product vector types,” said Hormel Director of Product Marketing Bethany Millbright. “It’s clear that Millennials are into more artisan foods, and we believe that Wagyu Beef Flavor SPAM will be a hit with this discriminating generation.”

Wagyu beef refers to a particular kind of Japanese cattle. It is known for its well-marbled meat, and has become particularly popular in the United States due to its appearance on several reality-food television shows. It is extremely expensive and has become a proxy for wealth across the globe.

Although Wagyu Beef Flavor SPAM has no actual beef in its mechanically separate meat product, the food scientists at Hormel have been able to give its pork and chicken bits a flavor that is reminiscent of fine cattle from Kagoshima, Japan.

“The product is clearly for that Millennial consumer who seeks exotic and rare flavors, but can’t afford the $100/lb. price tag that come from Wagyu,” continued Ms. Millbright. “It’s the perfect solution for those on tight budgets, but don’t want anyone to know. It should transport anyone to Japan, without the cost of a plane ticket.”

According to early reports, Wagyu Beef Flavor SPAM has been popular in select markets including Green Bay, Wisconsin,  Fresno, California and of course the Hawaiian Islands.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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