Opinion — So there are all these stories floating around these days about how if you’re a night owl and you swear a lot, and you’re messy, you’re a latent genius or something. I’ve done some research on the topic, and I can unequivocally tell you that fucking swearing means you’re brighter than those goddamned assholes who are too afraid even to utter the words ‘ gosh darn.’
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “well, fuck you.” Good, you’re well on your way to a smarter life.
For the record, you have to work your way up to it. It took me years to embrace this new, fucking lifestyle. Being raised in a conservative Kansas Christian home, we weren’t allowed to say ‘poop.’ The terrified parents worried God would strike us down if we said ‘shit.’ I learned that if there is one, God probably doesn’t care if you have a potty mouth. But people who wish to control your behavior do.
To that end, I’ve stolen a handy pie graph from the Internet that helps illustrate how important it is to swear and not worry about it.
I Get It. I Do
Growing up on a farm, you see a lot of fucking shit everywhere. There’s cow shit, dog shit, and chicken shit. All kinds of shit everywhere. Fuck, there was dog shit in the house when dad drank too much and forgot to put them out in the morning.
I guess I’m saying we get too hung up on unimportant bullshit. Meanwhile, the absolute fuckery is happening, and we fill helpless to do anything about it. And although I agree that the tone and tenor of our conversations have grown coarse and impolite, swearing like a fucking sailor is not a part of that.
Swearing can be a bit jarring if you’re not used to it. But is it any worse or more offensive than drone-bombing brown people in the Middle East? Or knowing that elderly people don’t have enough food at the end of the month? Where’s the outrage there? Fuck you, you fucking fuck, for not paying attention to the fucking things that matter. You asshole, go fuck yourself and your virtue signaling. This is 2019, and people aren’t buying it anymore.
Fuck.
