Nevada City, CA — PG&E’s recent shutdown of much of Northern California’s power grid has left most of its customers not only in the dark but mad as hell at the public utility monopoly.
In a desperate attempt at damage control, PG&E announced today that it would offer a BOGO sale on Kilowatt-hours. BOGO is a popular term used by top-notch retailers like Kmart to mean “Buy One, Get One.”
But will PG&E be able to repair its reputation by offering its first time sale on electricity?
Special TV Offer to Customers
“PG&E made the tough decision to shut down our electrical grid to save our corporation’s fiscal health and shareholder value during our bankruptcy,” says a paid PG&E spokesman in a 30-second TV spot running on local TV stations. The spokesman is holding a puppy and a kitten in each hand and makes kissy faces at them before he continues:
“We at PG&E are truly sorry for the inconvenience we have caused our ratepayers. We want to make it up to the people of Northern California through this special offer—‘Buy One Kilowatt, Get One Kilowatt – for Free!’ You like that Buster and Fluffy, yes, you do!”
“Since the shutdown, we have extra electric inventory that needs to go-go-go! It’s a blowout sale, folks! Don’t let this electricity sit and rot like the food in your fridge… Come on down and get some now before it’s all gone!”
“Call 1-877-PGE-BOGO. That’s 1-877-PGE-BOGO. And again, that’s 1-877-PGE-BOGO!”
“Buster and Fluffy agree– This is a limited time offer—so act now! “
Pathetic Pandering
At the Mine Shaft in Nevada City, locals who saw the commercial were of differing opinions.
“It’s really lame,” said Meghan Niall of North San Juan. “I lost a month’s supply of essential oils. I refrigerate mine to keep their essence pure,” she explained. “So now, I have to sell my healing crystals to get more. It’s going to cause a big imbalance in my life.”
“It’s pathetic pandering by PG&E,” said Brian Wallace of Grass Valley. “They think they can buy us off with a puppy and kitten on some lame TV commercial? Think again!”
“But I’ll probably take them up on their offer. Especially with winter coming. What was that number again?”
“This is all the governor’s and Democrat’s fault,” mumbled Jack Boggs into his beer. When asked why exactly, he said, “ ‘Cause they’re Democrats.”
On the Bright Side
Michael Ebbs of Nevada City was of a completely different opinion.
“For me, no power meant no EMFs. I was able to go outside without protective gear for the first time in like, forever. If they do this sale thing, EMFs and WiFi signals will double, and that would be awful news,” he said from under his radiation reflective hoodie.
In the meantime, PG&E ratepayers will wait until their next bill from the giant utility to see if PG&E’s latest spin and the BOGO sale will repair its shitty reputation.
