North San Juan, CA — In a surprise revision to the recent Papal encyclical, Pope Francis has decided to bless Indica strains of Marijuana. The announcement and the action, which caught both critics and supporters off guard, appeared to be a whimsical move following a private visit with North San Juan Ridge, CA growers with the pontiff during his visit to Philadelphia, PA.
“When we heard the Pope was coming to America,” said North San Juan resident and grower Thomas Kevlin, “I decided it was time to act. So I gathered up some of my friends and told them we needed to convince the Pope of the benefits of cannabis. It was a long-shot that paid off.”
According to sources close to the Pontiff, Mr. Kevlin and five other Ridge residents managed to get a private meeting with Pope Francis and figured out, somehow, to get him to bless a large sack of OG Kush they had somehow snuck into his hotel suite.
“We were like, ‘Pope Frank brah. This is some important medicine for the people, man.” Fellow farmer and band leader ‘Moonash’ from Alleghany, CA, accompanied Mr. Kevlin. “And he was down with that. He listened to our stories about the miracles of Kush [editor’s note: there was a 17-second pause in the interview as Moonash stated at his hands], and then he just reached out and put his hands on our Hefty bag. He said some rare shit in Latin or something. And that was it. We left and got a cheesesteak.”
According to Biblical scholars from Notre Dame University, this is the only time a Pope has ever done this. Moreover, this underscores Pope Francis’ “connect with the people.”
“Yes, it’s quite remarkable,” said Professor James Badwater of Notre Dame. “I can’t recall a Pope ever blessing a medicinal plant before. So this is one for the record books. I’m not sure what effect this will have on the politics of Pot in the United States, but if it’s like any of the other issues he’s tackled, this should make a significant dent.”
As for Mr. Kevlin and his team, they couldn’t be more pleased.
“Just imagine how much scratch we’re going to get from this blessed bag of weed,” continued an exuberant Mr. Kevlin. “I mean, It went from about two grand to god knows how much now. I’m thinking of renaming this strain to OG Frank after the Pope. It’s got a nice ring to it, don’t it?”
