Recent Austin Transplant Saddened to Learn He’s Now in Texas

Austin, TX — Recent Oakland, California transplant Emerson Kimble had to get out of the San Francisco Bay Area. The 32-year-old said he couldn’t afford to live in the most expensive metropolitan area in the United States. So when his technology employer, the San Mateo-based Neural Information Networks, offered him a promotion in their new Austin office, he jumped at the opportunity.

“It was the chance of a lifetime,” said Mr. Kimble reflecting on his decision to move to Austin. “Manager of Synergy Metrics is a job everyone wants. And I have up to three reports now. So that’s good. However, I was surprised to learn that Austin is in Texas.”

With median home costs approaching $700,000 and rents regularly exceeding $3000/month, many San Francisco Bay Area workers have considered moving out of the region to find lower living costs. Recently, Texas courted both businesses and workers, providing incentives to move to the Lone Star State.

“I head something about it being cheaper in Texas,” continued Emerson. “And that’s exactly what I needed. It turns out with all the fees and things like property taxes. It’s about the same cost.” Kimble began to chuckle. “About the same with fewer off-ramps on the freeways.”

If he had to do it again, Mr. Kimble says he’d think twice about moving to Austin.

“I mean, they made it sound like Austin wasn’t in Texas. They made it sound like a flat version of San Francisco. Liberal. Progressive. The capital. You know. And I suppose it’s all that as long as you don’t leave the city limits. So I guess in that case, it’s more like Alcatraz.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Elon Musk’s Dept. of Government Efficiency Demands a $1 Trillion Dollar Budget

Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency shocks Washington with a $1 trillion budget request filled with outlandish items like laser-guided detectors and a morale-boosting Dogecoin fund. Musk's ongoing presence at Mar-a-Lago stirs amusement and mild annoyance, with Trump reportedly telling a waiter, "He's your problem now." Public reactions range from raised eyebrows to full-blown cackles in true Monty Python fashion

McDonald’s Experimenting with “Food Bong” To Pump Big Macs into Drive Thru Customer’s Stomachs.

In Dayton, Ohio, McDonald’s unveils its “Food Bong,” a device that feeds Big Macs directly to customers. Trump supporters hail this as proof of the “Trump effect” on everyday life, while across the street, Burger King, ever the attention-seeker, counters with a stomach pump deal for $1.99. Fast food meets politics in a showdown of indulgence and spectacle.