Palo Alto, CA — A four-year study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation in conjunction with the Federal Food and Drug Administration has found that farting burns an average of 42 calories per incident. The study, which was partially funded by the government and Herdez brand foods, studied over 2000 people and their farting habits.
“The data doesn’t lie,” said Rundex lead researcher Robert Colvin from his Mountain View, CA home office. “What the study doesn’t really say is the amount of calories some people burned who were outside the mean. We had almost 100 people, mostly women, who burned as many as 160 calories per fart.”
According to the 420 page report, which studied many different people with different diets, the process of farting has a constriction and release function which causes the lower gastrointestinal tract to burn calories at very fast rate. This discovery has profound implications for the diet industry.
“It’s similar to eating celery,” continued Mr. Colvin. “I mean eating a lot of celery. You know, how it takes more energy to eat it than it has calories? Anyhow, the finding are pretty conclusive and the recommendations are straightforward: if you want to lose a few pounds, fart more.”
One participant who reached out to The Fazzler said she lost almost one pound per day just by increasing her fart output.
“To be honest I really didn’t think about it until I volunteered for the study,” said Marlene Day of Fremont, CA. “But then it got me thinking, ‘if I can fart a lot, I could take off a few pounds.’ So I did and lost over 17 pounds. Of course people around me didn’t appreciate it. But I’m happy about my progress.”
Rundex says they hope to extend the study to other countries in the next year.
