Worst Place in the World Forecast

Evan's bedroom on a good day.
Evan’s bedroom on a good day.

Cedar Ridge, CA, Inside the room of a 15-year-old teenager– Today’s forecast in Evan Williams’ bedroom is not a pleasant one, dear Nevada County people. Given the recent heatwave in Nevada County, coupled with the terrible hygiene habits of a typical teenage boy, Nate Williams’ bedroom should not, we repeat, should not be entered under any circumstances without proper hazmat attire.

According to insiders close to Nate’s situation, the young man claims to have taken a shower after repeated complaints from his mother, Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge. But authorities from the Department of Health and Human Services has discovered that this is not true.

As temperatures climb, the humidity in Evan’s room will rise proportionally due to the large amounts of buried decaying food and piles of filthy clothes. According to government officials who chose to remain anonymous, Evan’s room will have to be quarantined if this keeps up and he will be forced against his will to be hosed off in the front yard.

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Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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