Worst Place in the World Forecast

Look honey, they're putting out the fire on the River with water. Ironic!!
Look honey, they’re putting out the fire on the River with water. Ironic!!

Cleveland, OH Come to the county seat of Cuyahoga County, home to the  Cuyahoga River featured in the lovely REM song called, surprisingly, “Cuyahoga.” Note: no one is exactly sure what the REM song is about because no one is able to decipher the lyrics. Named after General Moses Cleaveland, its citizens were and are notorious mis-spellers, so moments after the city was founded by the good General, they misspelled his name. In fact, they insisted that General Cleaveland was spelled wrong. Apparently they were right, because it’s still spelled “Cleveland” to this day. Hooray for the mob!

Anyhow, Cleveland is famous for two things:

  1. A river that caught on fire
  2. The fact that at least they’re not Detroit, MI

Unfortunately for the people of Cleveland, standing in the unemployment line today will not be pleasant because there is a chance of showers with a frigid high of 27 degrees Fahrenheit. So please bring your rain slickers and a heavy coat, the ones you got from the church donation bin. Good people of Nevada County, please stay away from Cleveland. Unless you lost a bet or you’re a hostage. Then you have to go. Sorry.

[php snippet=9]

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.