ANTIFA Targets Nevada County’s 3, Maybe 4 Anarcho-Capitalists

North San Juan, CA — Nevada County’s three, perhaps as many as four anarcho-capitalists are on high alert tonight after the Sacramento-based worker’s coalition made a not-so-sarcastic social media post targeting them.

We hear there are a few fascists up in the foothills who think it’s funny to throw socialists out of helicopters,” said ‘SNAFU,’ the founder and current leader of the Sacramento Workers Action Network (SacWAN). “Perhaps all four of them would like to take a ride down one of them capitalist miner’s flumes, eh? If they keep up their reactionary talk, that can be arranged.”

It’s unclear how SacWAN obtained the names of the generally reclusive Anarcho-Capitalists. Still, people who follow their posts on social media say their outspoken and aggressive rhetoric might provide a clue.

“They’re so full of shit,” said Grass Valley Democrat community organizer Daryl Dennies. “Everyone’s an evil statist. It’s all black and white thinking. And get this, they’re always claiming that they’re against violence, but if they’d have their way, it would be mayhem. At best, they’re duplicitous. At worst, they’re dangerous.”

For his part, North San Juan self-proclaimed AnaCap (Anarcho-Capitalist) David ‘X’ says he’s not sure what to do about the threats.

“Well, I don’t want to call the sheriff or the police because they’re all a part of the State. So I loaded up on ammo, but I can’t possibly defend myself against a mob of communists,” mused David ‘X’ from an undisclosed location near Tyler Foote Road. “I mean, I never had to worry up until this point because no one ever took me seriously. Now I’m torn because I’m getting some attention, and these thugs want to kill me.”

When news leaked to local Facebook groups that a Sacramento-based ANTIFA group might be visiting Nevada County, the response was predictable.

“I think we should barricade the roads at Higgins Corner and not let anyone in,” said Tom Stevens, an unemployed cabinet maker, and part-time pig farmer. “I don’t think we have the luxury of trusting any outsiders. If we stand out there with our guns, I bet them thugs would have a change of heart.”

SacWan has not provided any additional information about its plans.