Area Chipotle Worker Just in It for the Money

Auburn, CA — Area Chipotle Mexican Grill worker Denise Hancock revealed that she works at the popular Mexican food restaurant “just for the money.” The announcement, which shocked both her co-workers and the Auburn store management, was met with several minutes of silence following her admission.

“Denise is a hard worker,” said restaurant manager Derek Purcell. “So when she expressed her feelings to the team yesterday during our morning scrum meeting, I think it’s safe to say that the Chipotle-way spirit was hurt. But we’ll recover. I’m sure she was having a bad day or something like that.”

According to her co-workers, they always assumed that Denise would make Chipotle a career move, like everyone else.

“Sure, it gets over 100 degrees behind the counter during the summer, and we sometimes work these long shifts, but that’s the price of success,” said condiment station worker Tyrone Waterman lopping a dollop of sour cream onto a customer’s carnitas burrito. “I mean, look, we all know it’s hard here, but we’re working for a bigger cause, you know? I sure hope she changes her mind soon.”

Denise started working at Chipotle about eight months ago when she quit her job at the nearby Famous Footwear over what she claims were inappropriate comments from her manager at the time.

“It got real ugly over there [Famous Footwear], so I just quit,” said a rather demure Ms. Hancock, who stared down at the cash register. “I’ve taken some Sierra [Sierra Community College] classes, so I can get out of this dump. But it’s hard to be working full-time and taking a full load at school. I’m not here for anything but the paycheck. I mean, look how tedious all of this is,” Ms. Hancock said, pointing towards the assembly line. “The same four questions all day long.”

When reached for comment at their Denver, CO headquarters, the executive management had no comment, preferring to allow local managers to “run the show.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

More from author

2 COMMENTS

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Elon Musk’s Dept. of Government Efficiency Demands a $1 Trillion Dollar Budget

Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency shocks Washington with a $1 trillion budget request filled with outlandish items like laser-guided detectors and a morale-boosting Dogecoin fund. Musk's ongoing presence at Mar-a-Lago stirs amusement and mild annoyance, with Trump reportedly telling a waiter, "He's your problem now." Public reactions range from raised eyebrows to full-blown cackles in true Monty Python fashion

McDonald’s Experimenting with “Food Bong” To Pump Big Macs into Drive Thru Customer’s Stomachs.

In Dayton, Ohio, McDonald’s unveils its “Food Bong,” a device that feeds Big Macs directly to customers. Trump supporters hail this as proof of the “Trump effect” on everyday life, while across the street, Burger King, ever the attention-seeker, counters with a stomach pump deal for $1.99. Fast food meets politics in a showdown of indulgence and spectacle.