Area Man Recounts His Long Relationship with Secret Psychedelic Casino Chimp

Nevada City, CA — Area fixture and expert check-writer Toby ‘Doob’ Carnevale admitted to the check-out clerk at Nevada City’s SPD Market that he has “a long relationship with a psychedelic Secret casino chimp.” Carnevale made the interesting comments after attempting to purchase a single-stick of Juicy Fruit Gum using a check.

“Well you see, I was just a kid back then,” said a disheveled Mr. Carnevale looking around for a pen to sign his check. “I was left in a bedroom with three 1/2 tabs of Pink Floyd. I took one, and nothing. So I took three more and boy, that was something.”

Mr. Carnevale, who was 19 at the time of his first acid experience, described to the attentive clerk how developed his life-long relationship with his not-so-imaginary primate.


“He left me on my own in his bedroom for over an hour deliberately, to see if I freaked out and I had a lengthy conversation with a picture of a baby chimpanzee, who I believed to be a blackjack dealer at a casino, that was only accessible through a secret door I had accidentally unlocked by dropping my cigarette on the floor in just the right spot. Shit got a bit weird after that though.”

SPD Grocery store checkout clerk Megan Albright handled Mr. Carnevale’s $.17 transaction, and listened courteously to his odd rambling.

“Doob comes in here all the time. We sometimes catch him in the front drinking milk out of the containers. But this chimp-thing was new. He can sure tell a story.”

According to Mr. Carnevale, this intense relationship continued for several years and has changed over time.

“He took on many different forms over the years,” continued Doob, “but he’s one of the few things that’s stuck by my side. Of course it makes people a little nervous when I start talking to him on Broad Street, but most of the locals get it now.”

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.