Reno, NV – Local Starbucks manager Ada Gunt says the recent stock market instability hasn’t bothered her one bit because she has precisely zero exposure—thanks to the time-honored strategy of living paycheck to paycheck. Gunt, 36, says that between her divorce and a recent hospital stay, the only asset she has to her name is an impressive amount of debt.
“After Jim and I divorced, that kind of zeroed out my savings account, and last year I fell off a ladder and ended up in the hospital for 20 days,” said Ms. Gunt, recounting what could generously be described as a tough year. “I had some insurance, but since everything was out of network, they only covered half of the $120,000 bill. So between dodging collection calls and making minimum payments on my credit cards, I wouldn’t exactly say I have any capital to invest.”
The Dow Jones Industrial Average suffered its worst week in over a decade as investors reacted to a toxic cocktail of rising inflation, bank collapses, and whatever the Federal Reserve is up to these days. Experts say Wall Street’s plunge was historic, with the latest downturn erasing gains faster than a tech CEO deleting old tweets.
“As a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money,” continued Ms. Gunt. “But now that I’m an adult, I think it’s a tremendous amount of money—now that I’m broke.”
She says her mother, a Fox News devotee, called her in a frenzy to tell her to buy gold.
“‘It’s all crashing down!’ she said. And I was like, ‘With what, Ma? My good looks?’”
Despite the turmoil on Wall Street, Ms. Gunt says she might consider investing—if prices plummet to the point where even she can afford to get in.
“I mean, after everyone else has lost their money and things are cheap? I’ve been living cheap for years now, so I definitely know how to snap up a bargain when I see one.”