Nevada City Socialists to Arm Parking Meters

Nevada City, CA — A group of self-described “democratic socialists” installed firearms on several parking meters in Nevada City. The group, called NC Democratic Anarcho-Socialists (NCDAS, pounounced ‘Nickdaas’), claim their activities are morally just and aim, according to their 17,000 word manifesto, “to ensure a strong centralized government that serves the disenfranchised.”

By arming parking meters with guns, the group hopes to raise city revenues by coercing mostly “drunks, tourists and people not paying attention” into “contributing” to Nevada City’s coffers.

“It’s super simple,” shouted Daphne Phillips in front of the Bonanza Market on Broad Street. “If you don’t force people to pay for the services they want, they’re not going to fork over the money. With this new armed parking meter system, people will be compelled to contribute.”

According to a memo released by NCDAS, the meters will not brandish a firearm until after asking pedestrians three times politely to contribute. If they refuse after the third time, the parking meter will pull out a handgun, and ask, “How about now?” The group has contracted with James Earl Jones as the voice talent.

The group hopes to raise thousands of dollars for pothole repair and a new paved road to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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