According to a new tell-all book, the creator of the Comedy Central show South Park based the popular character Eric Cartman on his childhood guinea pig.
Nestle announced Wednesday that it plans on supplementing its water harvesting operations with the bodily fluids of the State's growing prisoner population.
"And there all all kinds of Anarchists, you see. There's Laissez-faire ones like me, and other ones. Then there's the hippie Anarcho-syndicalists ones. Commune types. Similar, but different than me," ranted Mr. "X."
Republican lawmakers once again rely on thoughts and prayers to prevent mass shootings, marking the 10,574th time this strategy has failed. As the nation reels from tragedy, these unwavering champions of divine intervention plan to think and pray even harder, while critics wonder when – if ever – they'll consider actual legislative action.
The former Navy Pilot and current cloud seeding captain of a Evergreen 747 based out of Beale Air Force base, has been eyeing the coveted Chemtrail Captain position ever since he joined Evergreen's gioengineering fleet back in 2006.