James Schlarmann

The American Medicinal Association has just made a stunning and likely world-changing announcement -- AIDS and cancer have both been simultaneously cured forever. Stunningly, the AMAA says that it wasn't the communal efforts of medical research funded largely by taxes that went to various research universities and private labs, but the American free-market capitalist economy that "magically" cured them, according to a press release

Whisker Bottoms describes himself as a "social progressive" and "fiscal moderate" and he really enjoys discussing and reading about politics, especially when Mr. Gibson, who is the patriarchal head of the house Whisker Bottoms lives in, lines his litter box with the politics sections of various newspapers.

Over the weekend though, Ailes responded directly to Carlson's allegations, and his defense is being seen as quite unique among legal experts.

Bert DeVos, a member of a billionaire family that has spent hundreds of millions of dollars donating to Republican candidates over the years, told senators that she believes some schools may need to allow guns on their campuses because they live in wooded, rural areas and may need to fend of a bear attack.

City officials in Cleveland this morning were alarmed to find they are facing a massive dumpster shortage. Early data points to the shortage being directly related to the 2016 Republican National Convention being held in Cleveland.

Late this week, the Weather Channel announced that it would start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting forecasts in the local weather segments they broadcast.

Universal Pictures has decided to go forward with a plan to update the Jerk and center it around Trump, giving it a new title, "The Asshole."

Judge Persky, holding a press conference early this morning addressed those concerns and also said he's "learned much" from the experience sentencing Turner, and has devised his own, new, "sentencing guidelines."