"I would never have thought that Nancy would leave us for a pizza and child-trafficking company," said one member of Congress. "But I guess we all have to follow our dreams."
Area police ruthlessly murdered an area hero and constitutional enthusiast late last night. The county Sheriff's Investigation spokesperson has claimed that the hero had to be 'stopped' before he "shot too many more policemen.
In what appears to be a copycat attempt gone awry, 37-year-old Barstow, CA native Jeff Hughston's life almost came to an end this weekend when he attempted to launch his homemade, kerosene-powered rocket from his Mother's basement.