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Canadians Weigh In: Ted Cruz Plummets in Canadian Polls

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Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford went on to say that while most Canadians do not like Cruz, they really did praise his work with Paul Newman, not to mention his pool-playing prowess. He adds, “I really liked the thing he did with all the naked people in masks. And his Dr. Seuss recital was a great show.”

And now onto Tommy Chong.

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Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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Living

Cats, Dogs, and Ducks Spotted at Ohio Kamala Harris Campaign Headquarters

Springfield, OH, is in chaos as pets mysteriously migrate to Kamala Harris's campaign headquarters. Local conspiracy theorists cry foul, claiming everything from crisis actors to pet ghosts. Meanwhile, Haitian immigrants express confusion over the absurd allegations. As ducks unionize and dogs play security, the line between political circus and animal house blurs in this fur-flying election season.
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Surgical Report Shows Trump’s Brains Were Blown Out in Assassination Attempt

A surgical report reveals that Donald Trump's brains were blown out during an assassination attempt earlier this year, though no one seemed to notice. Now, his increasingly bizarre campaign trail rants include musings on Kamala Harris being raised by werewolves and windmills attacking liberals. Is Trump the future? Or just missing his mind?
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Trump Signs Several Tombstones at Arlington at Families’ Requests

During a visit to Arlington National Cemetery, Donald Trump reportedly signed several tombstones, claiming it was at the request of grieving families. His campaign insists the act was meant to honor the deceased, while critics accuse Trump of turning a sacred site into a campaign prop. The incident, involving Section 60, has sparked outrage and disbelief.
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AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

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AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

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Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

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A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

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AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0