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Canadians Weigh In: Ted Cruz Plummets in Canadian Polls

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Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
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Ted Cruz smugly analyzed the polls’ findings. “Let me be very clear about something you people don’t seem to understand. The American people, as well as myself, cannot and will not take anything that comes out of Canada seriously, be that polls or politicians. As your next President, I will see to it that the McKenzie Brothers stop making films. I will also build a wall across Niagara Falls.”

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Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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Cats, Dogs, and Ducks Spotted at Ohio Kamala Harris Campaign Headquarters

Springfield, OH, is in chaos as pets mysteriously migrate to Kamala Harris's campaign headquarters. Local conspiracy theorists cry foul, claiming everything from crisis actors to pet ghosts. Meanwhile, Haitian immigrants express confusion over the absurd allegations. As ducks unionize and dogs play security, the line between political circus and animal house blurs in this fur-flying election season.
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National News

Surgical Report Shows Trump’s Brains Were Blown Out in Assassination Attempt

A surgical report reveals that Donald Trump's brains were blown out during an assassination attempt earlier this year, though no one seemed to notice. Now, his increasingly bizarre campaign trail rants include musings on Kamala Harris being raised by werewolves and windmills attacking liberals. Is Trump the future? Or just missing his mind?
Michael Stephen -
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National News

Trump Signs Several Tombstones at Arlington at Families’ Requests

During a visit to Arlington National Cemetery, Donald Trump reportedly signed several tombstones, claiming it was at the request of grieving families. His campaign insists the act was meant to honor the deceased, while critics accuse Trump of turning a sacred site into a campaign prop. The incident, involving Section 60, has sparked outrage and disbelief.
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Elon Musk’s Dept. of Government Efficiency Demands a $1 Trillion Dollar Budget

Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency shocks Washington with a $1 trillion budget request filled with outlandish items like laser-guided detectors and a morale-boosting Dogecoin fund. Musk's ongoing presence at Mar-a-Lago stirs amusement and mild annoyance, with Trump reportedly telling a waiter, "He's your problem now." Public reactions range from raised eyebrows to full-blown cackles in true Monty Python fashion
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein -
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Elon Musk’s Dept. of Government Efficiency Demands a $1 Trillion Dollar Budget

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency shocks Washington with a $1 trillion budget request filled with outlandish items like laser-guided detectors and a morale-boosting Dogecoin fund. Musk's ongoing presence at Mar-a-Lago stirs amusement and mild annoyance, with Trump reportedly telling a waiter, "He's your problem now." Public reactions range from raised eyebrows to full-blown cackles in true Monty Python fashion

McDonald’s Experimenting with “Food Bong” To Pump Big Macs into Drive Thru Customer’s Stomachs.

Loretta Splitair - 0
In Dayton, Ohio, McDonald’s unveils its “Food Bong,” a device that feeds Big Macs directly to customers. Trump supporters hail this as proof of the “Trump effect” on everyday life, while across the street, Burger King, ever the attention-seeker, counters with a stomach pump deal for $1.99. Fast food meets politics in a showdown of indulgence and spectacle.

Hardee’s Celebrates the Return of ‘American Appetite’ with the $2.99 Mega MAGA Burger

Loretta Splitair - 0
Hardee’s has unveiled the $2.99 Mega MAGA Burger, a six-patty stack of American appetite wrapped in Bible verses and the Constitution. The limited-time burger, designed to remind customers of simpler times, launched with a special appearance by Donald Trump at a Dayton, OH location. Crowds are flocking for a taste of nostalgia priced as if it were still 1996.

It's for your head.

Latest Posts

Elon Musk’s Dept. of Government Efficiency Demands a $1 Trillion Dollar Budget

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency shocks Washington with a $1 trillion budget request filled with outlandish items like laser-guided detectors and a morale-boosting Dogecoin fund. Musk's ongoing presence at Mar-a-Lago stirs amusement and mild annoyance, with Trump reportedly telling a waiter, "He's your problem now." Public reactions range from raised eyebrows to full-blown cackles in true Monty Python fashion

McDonald’s Experimenting with “Food Bong” To Pump Big Macs into Drive Thru Customer’s Stomachs.

Loretta Splitair - 0
In Dayton, Ohio, McDonald’s unveils its “Food Bong,” a device that feeds Big Macs directly to customers. Trump supporters hail this as proof of the “Trump effect” on everyday life, while across the street, Burger King, ever the attention-seeker, counters with a stomach pump deal for $1.99. Fast food meets politics in a showdown of indulgence and spectacle.

Hardee’s Celebrates the Return of ‘American Appetite’ with the $2.99 Mega MAGA Burger

Loretta Splitair - 0
Hardee’s has unveiled the $2.99 Mega MAGA Burger, a six-patty stack of American appetite wrapped in Bible verses and the Constitution. The limited-time burger, designed to remind customers of simpler times, launched with a special appearance by Donald Trump at a Dayton, OH location. Crowds are flocking for a taste of nostalgia priced as if it were still 1996.

Local Trump Supporter Insists ‘Again’ in MAGA is About Resurrecting the Glory Days of Jell-O Salad, Not Policies or Politics

Loretta Splitair - 0
In Nevada County, Trump enthusiast Big D reveals the truth behind the “again” in MAGA: it’s all about resurrecting 1960s-style Jell-O salads. While his family debates policy, he’s fighting for the return of neon gelatin creations, Cool Whip, and canned fruit, insisting these are the true American traditions. This Thanksgiving, the political divide looks a little wobbly!

Rally Turns Violent as Trump Announces that McDonald’s is Discontinuing the Chicken Big Mac

Loretta Splitair - 0
Donald Trump’s latest rally in Des Moines took a bizarre turn when he announced that McDonald’s would discontinue the Chicken Big Mac, sparking outrage among supporters. In a move as surreal as it was chaotic, Trump tossed sandwiches into the desperate crowd, framing McDonald’s decision as an “attack on freedom.” The crowd scrambled for every bite, chanting “Make Big Macs Great Again!”

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Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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