Tom Joad stands in disbelief as his family’s struggle is transformed into a five-minute TikTok sensation. Their story, once defined by hardship and dignity, is now a viral meme, shared and forgotten in seconds. As the world scrolls past, Tom realizes that in this digital age, human suffering is nothing more than content for a blind and fleeting audience.
In Springfield, OH, Mittens the cat is under investigation for allegedly eating a Trump supporter after a heated debate over the 2020 election results. Outrage is sweeping certain political circles, with claims of a Democrat-led conspiracy involving weaponized pets. Meanwhile, sane locals are tired of the media circus and wonder when people will start focusing on real issues—like potholes.
Alex Jones is back with a crispy new conspiracy: Biden’s colluding with Big Chicken to keep 20-piece McNuggets over $10, as part of a sinister plot to control the masses through overpriced fast food. He warns of the rise of nuggets as currency and a looming sauce shortage. You thought the economy was complicated? Think again.
Think your flawless emails make you look professional? Think again! New AI detectors can now sniff out spellcheck use, labeling you as a digital cheater. Perfect grammar? Suspicious. Accurate spelling? Even worse. Time to let those typos shine, folks—before the AI comes for your perfectly punctuated prose and accuses you of “unnatural brilliance.”
Remember when pagers were the epitome of cool? Neither do we. But Motorola was hoping for a comeback—until Hezbollah’s pager-equipped fighters found themselves with more firepower than they bargained for. Mossad’s alleged pager bomb plot has torpedoed sales, leaving Motorola scrambling and hipsters reconsidering their love for retro tech that, you know, explodes.
A new poll by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation reveals 9 out of 10 Trump assassins would still support him in 2024. Trump, ever unfazed, claims, "I love my assassins," and ridicules Kamala Harris for lacking the same devotion from her potential assassins. Data scientist Robert Colvin reminds us, “The data doesn’t lie."
Springfield, OH, is in chaos as pets mysteriously migrate to Kamala Harris's campaign headquarters. Local conspiracy theorists cry foul, claiming everything from crisis actors to pet ghosts. Meanwhile, Haitian immigrants express confusion over the absurd allegations. As ducks unionize and dogs play security, the line between political circus and animal house blurs in this fur-flying election season.
Josh Hawley declared himself the victor in his battle against fragile masculinity after a rigorous 10-minute stare down with his own reflection. The Missouri senator, known for his “war on softness,” claims his victory is a model for all American men. The media, unsurprisingly, fumbled to grasp the seriousness of this latest conquest.
