Boca Chica, TX — SpaceX CEO Elon Musk revealed that the recent Starship failure was caused by an unorthodox design choice: using Flex Seal tape to secure parts of the spacecraft. The billionaire then admitted with no small amount of pride that he had purchased the Flex Seal company last year “for funsies” and thought it would be a good time to test the limits of its flagship product.
“I was watching TV late one night,” Musk explained during a press conference at SpaceX HQ, “and this guy—Phil Swift—just cut a boat in half and taped it back together. I was blown away. It was like watching Nikola Tesla reincarnated, but with better marketing. So I bought the company. How could I not?”
Musk, who already owns Twitter (sorry, X), Tesla, Neuralink, The Boring Company, and most of the moon’s memes, reportedly purchased Flex Seal in a private deal last year for $2.3 billion, allegedly paid entirely in Dogecoin cryptocurrency.
“It’s an undervalued asset,” Musk claimed at the time. “I’m 100% serious when I say Flex Seal is the graphene of adhesives. Nobody else gets it, but they will soon.”
The Starship Experiment
It was inevitable that Musk’s other ventures would incorporate Flex Seal products. During the Starship assembly process, an engineer (who probably wants to remain anonymous) suggested a delay due to a shortage of high-grade titanium rivets. Ever the problem solver, Musk reportedly addressed them directly and stated, “We don’t need rivets and welding. We have Flex Seal.”
According to sources close to the project, Musk personally supervised the application of Flex Seal tape during a late-night session, declaring it to be “the most cyberpunk adhesive I’ve ever seen” and predicting that it could save SpaceX millions. “Fail fast, innovate faster,” Musk added, smirking as he peeled back the backing on a roll of tape.
And, to Musk’s credit, the Flex Seal actually worked—for a while. Starship successfully launched and reached a height of 142 kilometers, breaking several speed records as it hit 20,000 kilometers per hour. Unfortunately, things began to fall apart—literally—shortly afterward, when the adhesive gave way under the relentless heat and pressure of atmospheric reentry. The spacecraft tumbled, exploded, and crashed over Turkey.
“I mean, technically, the Flex Seal lasted longer than I expected,” Musk tweeted shortly after the incident, adding that it was “a better ROI than our Twitter acquisition.”
A Boat, A Deal, A Dream
Musk defended the decision in true Muskian fashion, revealing a personal connection to the product.
“A lot of people don’t know this, but I once built a yacht entirely out of Flex Seal tape and sailed it around Lake Tahoe. It’s called the Sealy McSealface. There were no leaks—well, not after I patched them with more tape. If it can work for a yacht, it can work for a spacecraft.”
Musk also hinted at an ongoing friendly rivalry with Flex Seal spokesperson Phil Swift, whom he called “a modern-day Da Vinci” and “probably my spirit animal.” According to Musk, the two met in 2022 during an intense brainstorming session at a Waffle House in Texas, where Swift allegedly dared Musk to use Flex Seal on a rocket. “We were vibing,” Musk said. “It was either this or putting a Tesla engine in the booster. I stand by my choice.”
Flex Seal has since released a statement distancing itself from the incident, clarifying that its products are “designed for household and marine use, not interplanetary travel.” Meanwhile, Musk has doubled down, teasing a new product collaboration with Swift called “FlexX,” which he described as “Flex Seal, but optimized for Mars.”
