Austin, TX — Elon Musk, during a lavish ceremony to announce the expansion of his Tesla Gigafactory—an expansion generously funded by government grants and tax breaks—took the opportunity to issue a dire warning about the creeping threat of communism in America. Standing proudly before the latest government-backed addition to his multi-billion-dollar empire, Musk passionately decried the dangers posed by Democrats, particularly Vice President Kamala Harris, whom he has bizarrely labeled a “communist.”
“America is at a crossroads,” Musk declared, seemingly oblivious to the irony of his words as he stood in a facility made possible by taxpayer dollars. “The Democrats, led by Harris, want to bring their communist ideals to our shores. They want to take from those who innovate and give to those who sit around waiting for a handout!”
Musk’s fiery rhetoric didn’t stop there. He doubled down on his support for Donald Trump, who, in a pre-recorded message played during the event, praised Musk for his visionary leadership and warned of the “Red Menace” lurking in the shadows of the Democratic Party.
“It’s folks like Elon who are fighting to keep America free,” Trump said, neglecting to mention the billions of dollars Musk’s companies have received from government programs. “We need to protect innovators from the radical left, who want to turn this country into a communist wasteland.”
While the crowd of investors, local politicians, and employees—many of whom enjoy the benefits of government-subsidized jobs—applauded Musk’s speech, a few raised eyebrows at the disconnect between Musk’s anti-government rhetoric and his reliance on public funds.
Critics were quick to point out the hypocrisy.
“It’s rich, literally, to hear Musk talk about the dangers of communism while he’s practically on the government’s payroll,” said one analyst. “If this is communism, he’s doing pretty well under it.”
Musk, however, remained undeterred, announcing that his next project would be even bigger and bolder and undoubtedly bankrolled by the very government he claims to distrust.
“This is about protecting the American Dream,” Musk concluded, without a hint of irony, “a dream where people like me can succeed without the government’s interference… except, of course, when it comes to funding my factories, launching my rockets, or subsidizing my electric cars.”
As the event wrapped up, attendees were treated to a sneak peek of Tesla’s newest model, which, fittingly, was partially developed using federal research grants. Musk assured the crowd that this new vehicle, like all his innovations, would continue to drive America away from the clutches of communism—one government subsidy at a time.
