Keysville, VA — A militia-patriot group announced that it would petition the government to replace the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor with a giant monument of Robert E. Lee, the Confederate General who commanded the Northern part of Virginia during the Civil War. The group APART or Armed Patriots Against Radical Terrorists is led by outspoken Trump supporter Rob Remus who has raids recently on suspected Islamic terrorist training camps and “Mexican insurgents” along the border of the United States.
As Mr. Remus has gone mysteriously missing following the recent border shootout, his son Dale Remus is leading the charge for freedom and liberty.
“As Dad would say, we don’t want no French lady speaking for the United States,” said an overconfident Dale Remus speaking from the porch of his Keysville, Virginia home over the weekend. “Dad is a true patriot, and he wouldn’t want anything less than a true alpha male like General Robert E. Lee staring down on the liberals of New York City. For too long, we’ve allowed America to become the cucks of the world.”
Remus and his APART cohorts made headlines earlier this year when the group conducted a pre-dawn raid on a suspected terrorist training camp located in a remote section of Charlotte County, VA. Run by the Islamic activist group Muslims of America (MOA), the compound has been featured on various conservative news outlets for having suspected ties to the Islamic State.
After a tense 10-hour standoff, the militia group was forced to stand down when the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Department sided with MOA and threatened the militia with felony trespassing and weapons charges.
After the MOA encounter a few months ago, APART decided that they needed more than just superior firepower to defeat radical Islamic terrorism and its Democrat enablers in the United States. They required an Office of Information. And to that end, they started a massive outreach on both social media. They kicked off new “social re-education” projects such as replacing the Statue of Liberty with more “American-appropriate iconography.” According to the younger Remus, they drafted plans for a 400-foot tall version of General Lee right after President Trump was elected.
“See, that’s the thing; it has to be bigger,” continued Mr. Remus. “And with all this politically correct crap going around, you know, like taking the General’s statues down all over the country because it offends the blacks and whatnot. It’s time for the real Americans to strike back. Now’s our chance.”
Along with the new monument in New York Harbor, Mr. Remus says they also plan a “Confederate Education Center,” which will discuss how the Democrats are really behind the KKK and how the Civil War was about “State’s rights” and not slavery. And even though the political demographics have significantly flipped since the 1960s, Mr. Remus insists that the Democrats are still behind racist movements.
“You see, that’s the thing. It’s the Democrats who are racists towards the blacks. They founded the KKK, and it was the Republicans who freed the slaves. Talk to anyone in the South, and they’ll tell you that the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery and everything to do with the North, not telling us how to live our lives. Anyhow, the education center will have exhibits narrated by that Indian guy with the Portuguese name–what’s his name?–oh Yeah, Dinesh D’Souza. That guy’s a lot smarter than me, let me tell you, and he talks real good.”
According to government officials refused to acknowledge that such a petition exists, citing that they do not want to reward such outrageous requests with attention.
