Conspiracy Theorist: Bend, Oregon Doesn’t Exist

North San Juan, CA — North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Bend, Oregon is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls “the Bend anomaly” for the past three years.

“There’s this thing I learned on the Internet called the Bielefeld effect,” said a mood-elevated Mr. Wolford in a The Fazzler telephone interview. “It’s where there’s this illusion that someplace actually exists. People talk about it. They even claim to know people there. But it’s all fake. They’re either part of the conspiracy to keep the hoax alive, or they’re delusional.”

The Bielefeld effect is also known as the Bielefeld conspiracy originated in 1994 in the German Usenet, which claimed that the city of Bielefeld does not exist, but is an illusion propagated by various Illuminati forces. Initially an internet phenomenon, the effect has since spread to other hoax cities like Bend, Oregon. To this day German Chancellor Angela Merkel, refers to Bielefeld in her speeches, even though the city doesn’t exist.

Bend is supposedly located in the south-central part of Oregon and has been pushed as a logistics hub due to its location. However, after three attempts to contact the local government by The Fazzler with no success, Mr. Wolford’s observations seem less batshit crazy.

“Look,” continued Mr. Wolford, “It’s really simple to prove that Bend doesn’t exist. All you have to do is answer these three questions. Number one. Do you know anyone from Bend? Two. Have you ever been to Bend, Oregon? And lastly, number three. Do you know anybody who has ever been to Bend?”

People React

The Fazzler reached out to several community members and asked them Mr. Wolford’s three questions.

“Bend, Oregon is not a real town! Google it, and you will find out for yourself! I lived in Oregon and drove to where Bend was supposed to be,” said Christopher J. Rushin of Grass Valley,  “I’ve been ‘there,’ there’s nothing there but trees and houses and people and shit. No signs of civilization whatsoever.”

Others were more philosophical about the hoax, maintaining that they might have only dreamed about the city.

“I’ve been to Bend, and now that I think about it, it probably doesn’t exist,” commented Justin Anderson of Penn Valley, CA. “The place did seem too perfect, like a dream or something.”

Still, others were a part of the conspiracy calling people who believe such things “stupid idiots.”

“I’m a truck driver. Live in Portland, and I get many shipments to and out from Bend, Oregon,” said an Oregon truck driver who wished to remain anonymous. A fact that bolsters his status as a Mossad/CIA operative. “My wife grew up in the Bend/Madras area. So for you to even state Bend doesn’t exist as a town or city whatever you want to call it, makes me believe you are an idiot. Or a troll. Or a Bernie Sanders supporter.”

As for Mr. Wolford, he gave The Fazzler an old, “I told you so.”

“Nice try,” continued Mr. Wolford. “You thought I was making this up, didn’t ya? Well, now you know what I know. As soon as you run into someone who was a Mossad operative, they immediately start calling you an idiot for calling out the Bend, Oregon hoax. But you get used to it after a while. Your skin gets tough with this thing I like to call ‘The Truth.'”