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Copperopolis, CA — As today’s march of the ridiculous turning into the commonplace accelerates, a disturbing trend has developed: A lack of satirical topics and the threat of “Big Satire” may topple what was once a thriving cottage industry.

One writer, Xander X. Xanthangum, had an interesting perspective on the satire drought.

“It’s so hard for satire writers these days,” Xanthangum lamented. “You’d think that with a doofus like Donald Trump in the White House that it would be really easy to churn out stories.”

“But what’s happened is that you can write an entire story called “Trump Eats Dog-Doo Off the White House Lawn,” with some funny ‘shopped pictures of him and that kid with the lawnmower. You’ve put blood, sweat, and tears into this hilarious story. Suddenly the jerk goes and eats dog-doo off the White House lawn, and then your satirical story turns into “hard news” in some AP hack’s headline.

“Trump is a one-man satire killer.”

What’s a Satire Writer To Do?

“I feel like God on the one hand, because it seems I can foretell the future,” says Xathangum. “On the other hand, there’s so little to lampoon that it’s hard to earn an honest living as a satire writer any more.”

“I may have to take a job at my uncle’s car dealership in addition to my night shift at Jack-In-The-Box. Things are that bad. “

The Big Satire Empire

Another disturbing trend is the takeover by “Big Satire,” which uses the same aggressive tactics as major corporations through consolidation, leveraged buyouts, and the stealing of hooks.

“It’s Economics 101, supply and demand. As the amount of satirical stories diminishes because they turn out to be accurate, there is a feeding frenzy to come up with more outrageous ideas. Then when you come up with a perfect hook, some “Big Satire” company’s writer will swoop in and steal it. Straight up, steal it.”

“I kid you not. It happened to me with The Onion stealing one of my hooks and getting paid for it,” said Cecilia Ravenscroft (quoting herself for this story). “Sorry to break the fourth wall here, but things are bad for satire, really bad. It’s like global warming for satire now.”

Two Factors Converge at a Rapid Rate

Soon, predict many writers, there will be a massive takeover of satire by The Onion and Fox News.

“Fox News is particularly insidious,” claims an anonymous satire expert. “Many people believe its stories and opinions are true. We professionals often aren’t sure ourselves. It’s a giant media outlet for Poe’s Law.”

Xanthangum sums it up with, “Between Trump and Big Satire, our way of life will not be sustainable for much longer.”