Pokemon Kills Unarmed African-American Man

Simmons was blasted with fire from Arcanine's flamethrower ability.
Simmons was blasted with fire from Arcanine’s flamethrower ability.

Nashville, TN — The Pokemon Go! phenomenon that has swept the nation turned deadly last night. An unarmed black man, Chris Simmons, was attempting to catch a rare Pokemon Arcanine when the Pokemon deliberately targeted him.

Simmons was blasted with fire from Arcanine’s flamethrower ability. He was killed instantly. Arcanine was later captured by Jim Tabor, a white  man armed with a poke’ ball. This information has led police to believe the killing was racially motivated.

Demarkus Johnson, head of the Nashville Black Lives Matter group, spoke to The Fazzler about the killing.

“Once again a racial injustice has occurred, we will come together as a community and protest Pokemon wherever they appear,” exclaimed Johnson.

Keeping to their promise, BLM protested outside of Killians Pub where a Pokemon was located. The pub paid $10 to lure the rare Pokemon to the pub, they had a 75% increase in business. They were forced to close when the protesters arrived. By 10pm the pub was on fire, unfortunately killing the Pokemon trapped inside.

Pikachu, the famed Pokemon, spoke to The Fazzler regarding the killing.

“Pikachu”, said Pikachu.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Elon Confirms Starship Failure Due to Use of Flex Seal Tape

A hilarious tale of how Elon Musk used Flex Seal tape on SpaceX's Starship in an outlandish experiment to cut costs and innovate faster. From late-night infomercial inspiration to a catastrophic yet entertaining spaceflight, this satirical article dives into Musk's unexpected partnership with the iconic adhesive brand and his unorthodox approach to rocket science.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

A decades-old sibling feud over a childhood Big Wheel resurfaces every December 30th, blending humor, nostalgia, and Dana Bash’s quest for justice in this playful tale of enduring family dynamics.

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.