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Cleveland Sam

Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Man Dead After BBQ Death Duel

Summer is supposed to be filled with backyard BBQs and "get-togethers" with family and friends, not duels to the death. Tragedy struck at the home of Red Holmes when a man died in a fight to the death for the last sausage off of the BBQ.

Ukulele Festival Attack Kills 17, Injures 4, and Damages Don Ho Memorabilia

The annual Ukulele Festival put on by the American Ukulele Association (AUA), ended in tragedy on Sunday.  A masked gunman opened fire killing 17 festival attendees and wounding 35 others, including a cardboard cut-out of Don Ho.

Pokemon Kills Unarmed African-American Man

Chris Simmons was blasted with fire from Arcanine's flamethrower ability. He was killed instantly. Arcanine was later captured by Jim Tabor, a white man armed with a poke' ball. This information has led police to believe the killing was racially motivated.

Country Duo Florida-Georgia Line To Marry

Florida-Georgia Line has shaken the country music world with news that they plan to wed each other. It will be Nashville's first married gay music artists. They revealed that their marriages to women were a sham and simply a cover up to hide the relationship.

Dirty Jobs Mike Rowe Files For Disability

Mike Rowe is beloved by many for his great insight on current events and on his television show Dirty Jobs, where he seeks out those jobs that many of us would not do.

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