Somewhere in fallen America — In these wicked times, the nation stands on the precipice of a nightmare. As Brood X cicadas claw their way into the sunlight after 17 years of subterranean slumber, a sinister contagion spreads among the unsuspecting masses: the Bugs Rhythm. This unholy affliction casts thousands of Americans into the depraved sleep cycles of insects, from the Cicadian Rhythm’s 17-year curse to the feverish “Bee-ty Rest” of honeybees and the nightmarish “Flutter-Nap” of butterflies.
Sleep experts and entomologists, those godforsaken experts of the darkness, find themselves lost in a delirious labyrinth of fear and confusion as they grapple with this grotesque phenomenon. Dr. Luna Ticks, a sleep specialist whose very name betrays her kinship with these winged beasts, confessed, “Circadian rhythms were once our domain, but these Bugs Rhythms have invaded our territory like a swarm of locusts, and I tremble in their presence.”
Our descent into madness led us to interview the tormented families of Bugs Rhythm victims. Mary Snoozer, the shell-shocked wife of the first reported Cicadian Rhythm sufferer, recounted her tale of horror: “It began with those damned cicadas. One night, my husband slipped into bed and vanished into the abyss of the Cicadian Rhythm. And just next door, our neighbor is caught in the relentless grip of the Bee-ty Rest, napping like a fiend every 20 minutes! The horror, the horror!”
The panic has spread like wildfire on social media. Twitter user @SleepySam, a man caught in the stranglehold of fear, tweeted, “Brood X cicadas have unleashed hell, my neighbor’s trapped in the Cicadian Rhythm, and I heard whispers of the dreaded ‘Ladybug Snooze’ at the grocery store! Are we doomed to sprout wings and pollinate flowers like insectoid slaves? #BugsRhythmArmageddon”
Theories on the cause of this plague abound, each more twisted than the last. Dr. Buggy Napper, an entomologist who has spent too many nights studying the abyss of insect life, speculates that the Bug’s Rhythm might be contagious. “These vile creatures could be transmitting their sleep disorders through some diabolical bug-human mind meld,” he hissed. “It’s preposterous, but we live in a world gone mad!”
As the nation teeters on the edge of sanity, some brave souls have banded together to form support groups for those tormented by insect sleep disorders. These groups offer a fleeting refuge for those whose loved ones have been consumed by the dark slumbers of the Bugs Rhythm.
Desperate for salvation, experts now urge the populace to take preventive measures against this monstrous affliction. They suggest sleeping in bug nets, drowning out the cacophony of the insect chorus with white noise machines, and shunning all contact with the crawling, buzzing harbingers of doom.
Will the Bugs Rhythm’s grip on our collective psyche be broken, or are we fated to dwell in a nightmarish realm where our shared love for the abyss of sleep inextricably links man and insect? Only the cruel passage of time will tell.
