Trudeau Warns Trump: “Raise Tariffs Again and Another Plane Might Just Flip Over”

Ottawa — The Great White North has had enough. Canada has issued a warning to President Trump: back down on tariffs, or suffer the consequences. And by consequences, they mean a continued campaign of strategic airplane flipping, or, if that proves insufficient, forcibly transferring Manitoba to the United States.

The warning follows the shocking crash landing of a Delta Air Lines flight in Toronto, which somehow ended up flipping upside down upon arrival. While aviation officials have attributed the incident to high winds and snowy conditions, many Canadians have adopted a more ominous stance, viewing the event as an inadvertent warning.

“We Canadians are patient, but even our politeness has limits,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau declared at an emergency press conference, speaking from inside a Tim Hortons. “Let’s just say, if President Trump continues to escalate tariffs, another plane could unintentionally crash.” Accidents happen, eh?”

The Final Warning: Manitoba is Now a Bargaining Chip

If flipping airplanes doesn’t effectively convey the message, Canada has demonstrated its willingness to take drastic measures, such as offloading Manitoba onto the unsuspecting Americans.

“We do not want to do this,” Trudeau continued, his voice heavy with what could only be described as deep, Canadian regret. “But if Trump does not end this economic aggression, Canada will have no choice but to hand over Manitoba. It will become U.S. territory. Immediately.”

The mere suggestion of this move has already sparked panic in Washington. Experts caution that Manitoba, long regarded as one of Canada’s most unique provinces, could turn into a logistical challenge for the United States.

“Where even is Manitoba?” one White House official was overheard whispering in confusion. “Do they even have an airport? What do they do there?”

A senior U.S. diplomat, speaking on condition of anonymity, called the maneuver “a devastating act of geopolitical warfare.”

“Look, we can handle trade disputes; we can handle diplomacy,” they admitted, visibly shaken. “But if Canada actually dumps Manitoba on us… we have no plan. None. We don’t know how to manage that kind of… situation.”

The “Soccer on Ice” Incident Escalates Tensions Further

As if trade wars and airborne acrobatics weren’t enough, sources close to the Canadian government confirm that the final straw may not have been the tariffs at all—but rather Trump’s recent remarks referring to hockey as “soccer on ice.”

The offhand comment, reportedly made during a Mar-a-Lago fundraiser, sent shockwaves through the Canadian psyche. Within hours, entire Tim Hortons locations were declared emergency protest zones. Citizens gathered in town squares from Yellowknife to Halifax, furiously slapping their hockey sticks on pavement in an unmistakable show of national distress.

“We were ready to let the tariffs slide,” admitted one protester in Winnipeg, dressed head-to-toe in a vintage Wayne Gretzky jersey. “But calling hockey ‘soccer on ice’? That’s an act of war.”

Even former Prime Minister Stephen Harper, typically quiet in his retirement, emerged from his Calgary bunker to issue a statement:

“We cannot stand idly by while our national game is reduced to such an insult. Calling hockey ‘soccer on ice’ is like calling baseball ‘lazy cricket’—it simply does not stand.”

American Citizens Sound the Alarm

As rumors swirl of Manitoba’s impending U.S. absorption, American citizens have taken to social media to demand action. “Stop the tariffs, stop the madness, keep Manitoba where it belongs,” read one desperate Change.org petition.

Some analysts have already begun preparing for worst-case scenarios:

• Confused Wisconsin residents worry they will be expected to understand Manitoba’s culture, which appears to revolve entirely around curling, wheat, and aggressively cold winters.
• North Dakota farmers are concerned that Manitoba’s surplus of frozen lakes and vast emptiness could destabilize the region’s already delicate flatland economy.
• Floridians, upon hearing about Manitoba’s -40°F temperatures, immediately abandoned the entire conversation and went back to complaining about their own state politics.

Canada’s Final Warning: “Don’t Make Us Do It”

Trudeau ended his remarks with a final plea to the American government.

“We don’t want to escalate this further,” he said solemnly. “But if Trump does not back down, we will have no choice but to deliver Manitoba to the United States. Right to your doorstep. No takesies-backsies.”

When asked about other possible provinces as bargaining chips, Trudeau was quick to clarify.

“Oh, we’re keeping the good ones. British Columbia? Absolutely not. Ontario? Are you nuts? But Manitoba? Well… let’s just say we’re willing to negotiate.”

At press time, President Trump had not yet responded to Canada’s demands, but sources say he is currently Googling “what is Manitoba” and trying to determine whether or not it has oil.

The world is now anticipating whether the U.S. government, poised to inherit Manitoba, or Canada, having finally run out of patience, will make a move first.