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Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Fazzler's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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Art
The Entire John Steinbeck Catalog Now a 5-Minute TikTok Video
Tom Joad stands in disbelief as his family’s struggle is transformed into a five-minute TikTok sensation. Their story, once defined by hardship and dignity, is now a viral meme, shared and forgotten in seconds. As the world scrolls past, Tom realizes that in this digital age, human suffering is nothing more than content for a blind and fleeting audience.
Earth News
Pager Sales Drop Dramatically in Lebanon: Motorola and Other Major Players Expect a ‘Tough Quarter’
Remember when pagers were the epitome of cool? Neither do we. But Motorola was hoping for a comeback—until Hezbollah’s pager-equipped fighters found themselves with more firepower than they bargained for. Mossad’s alleged pager bomb plot has torpedoed sales, leaving Motorola scrambling and hipsters reconsidering their love for retro tech that, you know, explodes.
Food
Texas Officially Bans Vegan Gravy: Citizens Urged to Report Violators
Texas has officially banned vegan gravy. Under the Gravy Purity Act, citizens are now encouraged to report any plant-based saucery to local authorities. While the rest of the nation grapples with real problems, Texas is laser-focused on defending its traditional gravy—no tofu allowed. Get ready for the condiment cops!
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Alternative
Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded
With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.
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Latest posts
Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded
With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.
Trump Promises to Make ‘Mr. Twitter’ Press Secretary if Elected
In true Trump fashion, he’s shaking up the White House again, this time by replacing the press secretary with Twitter! Or as Trump calls it, “Mr. Twitter" in his quest for “government efficiency,” Trump’s next big idea involves tweets, emojis, and Musk’s downsizing magic.
Iranian Leadership’s Sony PlayStations Reportedly Exploding
Iranian officials’ PlayStations are reportedly exploding, leaving the ruling class grappling with a new “crisis” while citizens endure far worse hardships. Whether it's Israeli sabotage or just bad wiring, the explosions highlight the absurd disparity between the elite and everyday Iranians. Spoiler: most Iranians don’t even know what a PlayStation 5 is.
