Alabama Supreme Court Rules God is Real/Citizens Must Obey

Montgomery, AL — The Alabama Supreme Court ruled 8-1 in favor of God being real and that the citizens of the conservative state must follow “the Lord’s literal and explicit words in the Holy Bible.” The ruling came down after a small but vocal atheist rights group sued the city of Birmingham after the city erected the Ten Commandments in the city square.

Protests immediately erupted, led by the Alabama Coalition of Atheists or ACA, demanding that the monuments be removed. The group filed a lawsuit, finally making it to the Alabama Supreme Court this week.

“The State of Alabama may not, consistent with the Constitutions of the United States and the State of Alabama, instruct its citizens which God to worship, forbid its citizens to use a particular deity’s name in vain, or require sabbath observances for religious purposes,” the ACA lawsuit stated.

The controversy first arose in 2023 when Birmingham decided to “make a statement about God’s dominion over man” and installed a 7-foot-high ‘replica’ of the 10 Commandments in the famous Rhodes Park. Birmingham lawmakers approved legislation in 2021 that allowed for the construction of the marker. The city unveiled the monument in June 2022, but a man rammed his car into it less than 24 hours after it was made public.

The city immediately repaired and replaced the tablets, and a group of self-proclaimed “civic anarchists” (unrelated to the ACA) started urinating on them. The activity was documented in a widely shared YouTube video.

Near Fist-Fights in the Court

Arguments in front of the court grew contentious at times, with one of the justices having to censor Damion LaVey of the ACA’s legal team and fine him $954.00, the maximum, for contempt. Mr. LaVey started screaming at Alabama’s solicitor general after she claimed that God existed because “the Bible says so.” Eight of the nine judges nodded in agreement. All nine members of the court are Republicans.

The ruling goes into effect immediately and prescribes that all Alabama citizens “must abide by the literal word of God as put forth in His holy document, the Bible. Failure to do so is punishable by the laws outlined in Scripture.”

The ACA plans an immediate appeal. The United States Supreme Court has not indicated whether they’ll hear the case.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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