Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Chaska, MN —  Just when you thought the pinnacle of luxury was a solid gold toilet seat, Sotheby’s ups the ante with a pillow. Yes, a pillow. But not just any pillow—this is the MyPillow prototype, the headrest that launched a thousand naps. Crafted from the finest polyester that money can buy at a discount fabric outlet, this pillow isn’t just a place to lay your head, it’s a piece of American history.

Sotheby’s spokesperson, Harrold Louder, proclaimed, “This isn’t just a pillow; it’s a sleep experience wrapped in the American dream. Think of it as the mattress firm of patriotism.” According to insider sources, the pillow has been valued at a price that could comfortably fund a small moon landing, or at the very least, a lavish weekend in Las Vegas.

Local conspiracy theorists are already lining up, touting the pillow’s mystical properties. “It’s infused with the spirit of freedom,” claims local cryptid enthusiast, Bigfoot Barry. “And possibly the actual spirit of Bigfoot. You never know.”

The auction has stirred considerable excitement in Chaska, where residents have long claimed that something in the air (possibly gold dust or just pollen) makes their sleep the envy of the less-elevated Minneapolis folks. “We’ve always known our sleep was worth its weight in gold,” chuckled resident, Goldie Napper. “Now we have proof that it’s auction-worthy too!”

Bidding for the pillow will start at the low, low price of your firstborn child’s college fund, moving upward to potentially include your soul and any ancestral rights to Californian gold mines.

“We expect spirited bidding,” says Louder. “After all, who doesn’t want to literally sleep on history?”

The auction will also feature a live demonstration by the pillow’s creator, Mike Landell, who will attempt to nap on the pillow while balancing the federal budget, thus proving once and for all that if you can sleep on this, you can sleep through anything.

So, fluff up your wallets and prepare to bid on the sleep of a lifetime. And remember, as any true aficionado of historical bedtime accessories knows, the secret to a great night’s sleep is knowing your head rests higher than your morals.

Stay tuned for more updates on this once-in-a-lifetime chance to own a piece of fabric-wrapped Americana, because at Sotheby’s, every bid is a dream, and every sale is a story.

Roy Riffle
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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