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Joy Rasmussen Aguinaldo

Joy Rasmussen Aguinaldo has written for years about the convergence of key life events and cooking. She has written extensively about the eating habits of mouthy children and wayward spouses combining wit, sarcasm and occasionally anger into her cookbooks. Her New York Times Bestseller, Cooking When You're Angry, stayed in the top ten in not only the Food and Living category, but also the Self-Help one as well. She is currently working on her latest and untitled cookbook, from which some of the recipes will be featured in Gish Gallop. Look for it soon.
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Local News

Sheriff Admits to Dealing Heroin at Correctional Facility

In an attempt to reduce his annual budget and increase revenue, Nevada County Sheriff Keith Royal has admitted to dealing heroin to inmates at the county Wayne Brown Correctional Facility.
Joy Rasmussen Aguinaldo -
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Local News

District Attorney Arrested for Distributing Child Porn to Newspaper

Nevada County District Attorney Newell naively told officers he had indeed provided images depicting children in compromising situations to a number of media representatives.
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Local News

Board of Supervisors to Supply Local Halloween Blood

As Halloween approaches, a Nevada County Attorney is stocking his wine cellar with the blood of Nevada County taxpayers. The October 27th Nevada County Board of Supervisors meeting agenda Consent Calendar requests an additional $150,000 to Count Tolancuono’s Grass Valley law firm.
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Satire

The Fazzler Recipe: Placenta ala King

Here's a recipe my grandmother used to talk about all the time. She raised eight children during the Great Depression and never wasted a single morsel of food.
Joy Rasmussen Aguinaldo -
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National News

Hooters to Celebrate Breast Cancer Survivors

In a nod to appear both sensitive and politically correct, Hooters has announced the opening of the first bar and restaurant to hire only breast cancer survivors who have had one breast removed.
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Tim Hortons Installs Canadian Space Arm at Ottawa Location

Roy Riffle - 0
Tim Hortons has unveiled a surprising new addition to its flagship Ottawa location: the Canadarm. Known for its crucial roles on the Space Shuttle and International Space Station, this iconic piece of Canadian engineering will now be serving coffee and donuts to delighted patrons. Dubbed the "Timbitsarm," this futuristic barista promises to bring a touch of zero-gravity magic to the everyday coffee experience, making morning routines in Ottawa more extraordinary than ever.

AA and AAA Join Forces to Create AAAAA

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Some analysts close to this emerging market question the timing of the merger and its long-term viability and business sense.

Louisiana Teacher Under Fire for Posting 10 Commandments in Pig Latin

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
History teacher Bernie Carver stirred controversy by displaying the Ten Commandments in Pig Latin, provoking ire from conservative parents. Earl "Big Earl" LeJeune fumed, "This is part of a larger conspiracy. Next, they'll be speaking French! And you know what they say about French – it's the language of the devil!"

The Fazzler Review: Fear Inoculum by Tool — Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hype

Loretta Splitair - 0
Can Tool’s Fear Inoculum live up to its labyrinthine lyrics and technical bravado, or is the fanbase’s fervor and critics' praise a testament to rock’s most elaborate inside joke?

Metallica’s James Hetfield Celebrates a PhD in Astrophysics

Loretta Splitair - 46
Metallica heavy metal guitarist and lead singer James Hetfield announced on his personal Facebook page that he had just finished defending his PhD dissertation at California Institute of Technology in Pasadena (CalTech), CA

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Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Terminate Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2022

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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