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Cleveland Sam

Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.
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Chemtrails

QAnon Posts 4th Quarter Profit Despite Failed Predictions

In a surprise announcement, QAnon's stock skyrocketed over the past quarter.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Merle Haggard Leaves Estate To Bakersfield LGBT Group

A bigger shock came shortly after Haggard's death when his lawyer read his last will and testament. Haggard left his entire estate to Interpride Enterprises, as Bakersfield, CA-based LGBT group that puts on Pride parades around the world.
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Weird

Nevada City Woman Has World’s First Tinfoil Scalp Implant

Carol Mist has successfully undergone surgery to insert a layer of tinfoil underneath her scalp. Seen here in front of Nevada City's famous Stone House.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Pokémon Training Gym Busted For Selling Performance Enhancing Drugs

Sal's Trainers located in the back room of the historic Alpha building on Broad Street, has been raided by police and DEA agents after the trainers were caught selling and injecting performance enhancing drugs (PED) in to their Pokemon.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Limbaugh And Palin Caught Cuddling In Montana Dive Bar

Radio host Rush Limbaugh is in hot water today after pictures surfaced of him and former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, were found cuddled up together in a booth at Lenny's Tavern and Taxidermy in Missoula.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Dick Punch Dating Offers Innovative Service

Dick Punch Dating Service ("DP Dating"), offers women a solution. By simply wearing a small GPS locator on themselves, and a with push of a button, help is on the way.
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Local News

Smartest Man In The World Drives Like An Asshole

Samuel Richards has been proclaimed the "smartest man in the world" with 7 degrees, an Oxford Fellowship, a Nobel Prize, and the winner of a ballroom dancing championship. But, unfortunately, Mr. Richards has one major flaw: he drives like an asshole.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Socialist “#MyFreeRock” Music Festival Sued For Piracy

The socialist #MyFreeRock festival is being sued by a collective of music artists, including this year's headlining act Pearl Jam for music piracy. The festival encouraged attendees to record artist live music sets without permission from the artists.
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Latest Posts

Biden-Harris Admin Accused of Using HAARP to Blow Away Florida Voters

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Conspiracy theorists are alleging that the Biden-Harris administration is weaponizing HAARP to control Hurricane Helene and suppress Republican voters in Florida. Theories of mind control, 5G nanoparticles, and chemtrails swirl, but Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich debunks the claims, tiredly reminding everyone that HAARP is a research facility, not a joystick for manipulating elections or the weather.

The Entire John Steinbeck Catalog Now a 5-Minute TikTok Video

Loretta Splitair - 0
Tom Joad stands in disbelief as his family’s struggle is transformed into a five-minute TikTok sensation. Their story, once defined by hardship and dignity, is now a viral meme, shared and forgotten in seconds. As the world scrolls past, Tom realizes that in this digital age, human suffering is nothing more than content for a blind and fleeting audience.

Haitian Cat Allegedly Eats Springfield Trump Supporter

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
In Springfield, OH, Mittens the cat is under investigation for allegedly eating a Trump supporter after a heated debate over the 2020 election results. Outrage is sweeping certain political circles, with claims of a Democrat-led conspiracy involving weaponized pets. Meanwhile, sane locals are tired of the media circus and wonder when people will start focusing on real issues—like potholes.

Alex Jones Claims Biden Conspired to Keep 20-Piece Chicken McNuggets Over $10

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alex Jones is back with a crispy new conspiracy: Biden’s colluding with Big Chicken to keep 20-piece McNuggets over $10, as part of a sinister plot to control the masses through overpriced fast food. He warns of the rise of nuggets as currency and a looming sauce shortage. You thought the economy was complicated? Think again.

Latest AI Detectors Now Identify Spellcheck Users as Cheaters

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Think your flawless emails make you look professional? Think again! New AI detectors can now sniff out spellcheck use, labeling you as a digital cheater. Perfect grammar? Suspicious. Accurate spelling? Even worse. Time to let those typos shine, folks—before the AI comes for your perfectly punctuated prose and accuses you of “unnatural brilliance.”

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Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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