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Cleveland Sam

Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.
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National News

Tax Firm To Offer Free Porn While You Wait

Simon Tax Specialists has come up with a perfect program for those of us that suffer during tax season. Simon is now offering free porn while you wait for your taxes to be completed.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Wile E. Coyote Murdered After Making Cancer Treatment Discovery

Wile E. Coyote, former roadrunner chaser turned scientist, was found dead outside of his cancer research lab yesterday. He had been crushed to death by a falling anvil.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

John McCain Demoted for Snoozing

Senators Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell both brought the bipartisan matter to the Senate in a closed doors hearing. The vote was 99-1 in favor of demoting John McCain from Congress.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Jared Fogle Released From Prison

Former Subway spokesman, Jared Fogle, has been released from prison due what authorities say was overcrowding.
Cleveland Sam -
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Living

California Proposes Taxing Social Media

A new controversial California law will tax social media interactions. It's expected to meet fierce resistance.
Cleveland Sam -
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National News

Illegal Mexican Burro Seeks Asylum In L.A. Church

Pedro, an 11 year old Mexican burro made the long journey, burrowing underneath the border and arriving at the Catholic Holy United Church of Christ in Los Angeles, California. The burro has been taken in against federal law and is officially seeking asylum as a political refugee.
Cleveland Sam -
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Earth News

Waterford Whispers News Mistaken For Nursing Home Newsletter

Residents awoke to copies of what they thought would be their normal nursing home newsletter, but instead they found Waterford Whispers News stories.
Cleveland Sam -
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Living

High Horse Sales Soar in Wake of Tragedy

The high horses are specially trained to whinny loudly whenever someone tries to talk to their rider.
Cleveland Sam -
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Latest Posts

Iranian Leadership’s Sony PlayStations Reportedly Exploding

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Iranian officials’ PlayStations are reportedly exploding, leaving the ruling class grappling with a new “crisis” while citizens endure far worse hardships. Whether it's Israeli sabotage or just bad wiring, the explosions highlight the absurd disparity between the elite and everyday Iranians. Spoiler: most Iranians don’t even know what a PlayStation 5 is.

Biden-Harris Admin Accused of Using HAARP to Blow Away Florida Voters

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Conspiracy theorists are alleging that the Biden-Harris administration is weaponizing HAARP to control Hurricane Helene and suppress Republican voters in Florida. Theories of mind control, 5G nanoparticles, and chemtrails swirl, but Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich debunks the claims, tiredly reminding everyone that HAARP is a research facility, not a joystick for manipulating elections or the weather.

The Entire John Steinbeck Catalog Now a 5-Minute TikTok Video

Loretta Splitair - 0
Tom Joad stands in disbelief as his family’s struggle is transformed into a five-minute TikTok sensation. Their story, once defined by hardship and dignity, is now a viral meme, shared and forgotten in seconds. As the world scrolls past, Tom realizes that in this digital age, human suffering is nothing more than content for a blind and fleeting audience.

Haitian Cat Allegedly Eats Springfield Trump Supporter

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
In Springfield, OH, Mittens the cat is under investigation for allegedly eating a Trump supporter after a heated debate over the 2020 election results. Outrage is sweeping certain political circles, with claims of a Democrat-led conspiracy involving weaponized pets. Meanwhile, sane locals are tired of the media circus and wonder when people will start focusing on real issues—like potholes.

Alex Jones Claims Biden Conspired to Keep 20-Piece Chicken McNuggets Over $10

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Alex Jones is back with a crispy new conspiracy: Biden’s colluding with Big Chicken to keep 20-piece McNuggets over $10, as part of a sinister plot to control the masses through overpriced fast food. He warns of the rise of nuggets as currency and a looming sauce shortage. You thought the economy was complicated? Think again.

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Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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